Sharing lunch and light conversation with a coworker yesterday, I decided to keep things bubbly and ask what she thought of capital punishment.

Which led to her, in short, advocating the eye-for-an-eye justice philosophy. In a completely unrelated story, Ghandi rolled over in his grave.

So of course, the first question that pops in my head - what about the Lorena Bobbitts of the world? What's the equivalent female reprisal punishment for, um, dismembering a guy?

Like I said, light conversation.

Surprisingly, without skipping a beat, she says "rape." Then she gave a little more thought and proposed a state-sanctioned STD-plagued corrections employee, whose job it is to, um, violate these offenders with no regards to penile rights, regardless of the situation.

Very sick and twisted. ...Needless to say, I like this coworker. A lot.

But still, as horrific and scarring an experience as it is, would rape be as bad as getting your most-prized possession permanently lopped off? I decided not to go down that road, and instead keep our musings on castration and rape lighthearted.

But it got me thinking, as I crawl through the finish line on this story that will not die, running tomorrow, that required me to check financial records across nine cities and ensure I'm not comparing apples to oranges:

How does one compare penises to vaginas?

And then came the revelation: Instead of apples to oranges, why don't we say "penises to vaginas"? Seriously, why not? I used the reference approximately 12 times through the remainder of lunch. "I don't want to compare penises to vaginas, but which team was better, the '91 Bulls or the 2001 Lakers?"

Seriously, try it, it works - and I'm on a mission to start the trend, right here, right now. I'm giving you all a minimum quota of 10 "penises to vaginas" references a day. I expect a full report. Let's get this baby off the ground, people!

Now if you'll excuse me it's back to my finance story ... and more lighthearted banter.