Fond birthday wishes going out today to long-time listener few-time caller JD^2, who today hits the bit 3-0! Woo-hoo!

Gotta wonder what he's thinking. Any last desperate grasps to hold onto youth before he falls off the ledge? Well, those are officially out the window with him. And as Time mercilessly punishes him during his uncontrollable free-fall into old-age, here are some preliminary guidelines.

• No more keg beer. And remember: You're now that you're thirty it's not funny when you're drunk - it's sad.
  
• And no more video games - especially online wearing a headset and playing 10-year-old wunderkinds. None of that
  
• No jeans and polo shirts to work. Even on casual Friday. Our firm has an image to keep, and we hope you can be a team player.
  
• All bills paid promptly on time. And get your credit out of the gutter.
  
• Get in bed by 10 p.m. As you drift asleep, be sure to wonder what you've done with your life.
  
• Have your cholestorol checked. And your prostate. Enjoy it.
  
• Also, talk to your doctor about Viagra.
  
• Start saving for your kids' college.
  
• Marvel as your stomach swells and your dreams dissipate.
  

So happy thirty, JD^2! It's all downhill from here, my friend. You'll be forty before you know it.