Everybody duck. I'm pulling a Johnny Cochrane and throwing out the race card!

Every time I see this case, it makes my blood boil. Stupid effing Georgia hicks. Somebody needs to tell these backwood, inbred, half-wit, farmer's tan, buck-tooth, raccoon-eating, Confederate-flag worshipping klansmen that stereotypes are wrong.

Let the kid go, douchebags. Kinda interesting how this came on the 40th anniversary of the Loving Decision. We've come a ways, but apparently there's still a ways to go.

Also interesting, to a certain extent, that this landed on The Sopranos final-episode hoopla. You ask me, the real crime committed by Tony's crew is stealing 10 times the acclaim The Wire would ever get.

Look, I'm a big Sopranos fan but The Wire's easily the better show. If - and when - The Wire's final episode barely registers a blip on the pop-culture radar compared to today's Sopranos craziness, I'm oficially calling the fall of Western Civilization. What's the key difference between Sopranos versus Wire? Well, there's the startling, hard-to-swallow realism for starters. That, and 90 percent of The Wire's amazing cast is black. That's right - I said it. I went there. I call it like I see it. The ruling on the field stands.

That said, OK - let's put on our conical tin-foil TV-critic hats for a second and look at The Sopranos finale.

What did we learn? "David" is to "Chase" as "Pretentious" is to "asshole." Sure it was an artsy and curious and surprising ending. It was also self-indulgent as hell and a not-so-subtle "screw you" to the thousands of die-hard Sopranos fans who carried the series.

Do yourself a favor - rent seasons 1-3 of The Wire. Then watch season four On Demand. Tell me season 3 and 4's finales don't leave you with goosebumps, just totally spent and blown away. Tell me The Wire would go the route of David Chase's pretentious bullshit. I dare you.

The Sopranos has thrived all these years on this tense, suspenseful undercurrent. We were watching this house of cards that could collapse at any moment. A card would fall here and there, but they'd respond by delicately adding even cards to the top, causing us to keep watching more in awe and wonder and horror.

It was a setup eight years in the making, and in the end, Chase whimped out and punted instead of giving the series the ending it deserved.

I'm not saying Tony shoulda died. I'm not saying everything shoulda wrapped up nicely. As some guy on Warren Olney's radio show today pointed out, it could be worse: Carrie settling down with Mr. Big (so much for "Sex" in the "City"), Ross getting back with Rachel. I appreciate the suprise, the unconventional.

But Chase didn't flip-off stale TV convention, he flipped-off his loyal viewers. It wasn't a surprise twist - it was a stupid cop-out. Like Bill Simmons wrote today, that landmark show simply deserves more than millions of people wondering if their cable box just died.

Also, I think last night's Sopranos spells trouble for the new generation of shows like Lost, which thrive on this impossible suspense buildup. This new renaissance of the serial - can loyal viewers trust that the payoff will be worth it? If Sopranos is any indication, the answer is "um ... no." Fortunately, there's still The Wire. If we can get some of you frightened caucasians on board then there's hope. Do I watch too much TV? Probably.

Bring on Wire season five, baby!