Here's a typical post when the woman's left the country and you're where the average age is 72, the average temp is 105 degrees, the average creed is hardcore Republican, the average number of tattoos is four, and thus the average night is spent loafing on the couch:

• Hi. I'm Zach Braff. In my latest flick, I'll make some lame, cliche observations about, like, "life" and a popular hot waif Hollywood actress will inexplicably fall for me. Try not to confuse it with my last flick. Again, this is Zach Braff.
  
  
• John From Cincinnati is a terrible, terrible show.
  
  
• Bravo's running a reality show about the hotel up the street. And no, I don't know why either.
  
  
• If the Law & Order shows are The Borg, then after years of bold resistance I have finally, tragically, assimilated.
  
  
• My theory is that Shark Week on Discovery has not, in fact, jumped the shark. There are just writers out there who wanted to sound clever writing that.
  
  
• (Not like I do that.)
  
  
• I know you already know this, but Meerkat Manor is the undisputed heavyweight champion of cable TV. It's Jordan-esque. It's clutch. It's a sure thing. I love how it has that cutesy intro to trick unsuspecting parents into thinking they just found G-rated entertainment their toddlers. Next thing you know a renegade meerkat gang storms their rivals' unprotected burrow and slaughters a newborn batch of pups. If that doesn't teach kids all they need to know about life, I don't know what does. Better than Baby Einstein, right? Anyways, I'm hoping the Whisker clan regroups this season and vanquishes the Lazuli and Commando clans. They need to pull a Michael Corleone - settle all family business.

*Sigh* As David Spade might say, I can almost hear myself getting dumber. I'm like Flowers for Algernon, here. I know - no post in ages. But work is seriously kicking my ass. There's an unspoken editorial hiring freeze going, which is awesome, cause disgruntled reporters keep leaving and no one replaces them.

The other day we were at a farewell lunch for the latest co-worker and this local over-achieving high school senior tagged along before getting a tour of the newsroom. He's not sure if he wants to be a journalist or an oral surgeon.

"Oral surgery" - we practically said it in unison.

Thank god I finally leave for Mexico on Saturday. I can't wait to see Nameless, drink micheladas and ill-advised tequila shots and wake up hungover but happy and semi-free.

Hasta la proxima, bitches!