Jeff Findel's

Things are out to get us

You know when you stub your toe, or bump your head on a car door. It is no accident.

THINGS caused it

Let me tell you, it�s been scientifically proven that toast, with one side jellied/buttered, when dropped, will land face down 92.74% of the time. What do you think that is? It�s the toast, man, it wants you to fail. That�s right, inanimate objects have been pissed at you ever since you were born. They despise your higher levels of consciousness and they intend to take it out on you.

Don�t believe me?

Try eating coco puffs without like half of it jumping to the floor, or try sweeping into a dust pan � can�t get that last bit can you? Or try playing golf! Good god man, you think your hand-eye coordination is really THAT bad?

No way, the ball and club are out to get you; I wouldn�t turn my back on them for a second

Sometimes even your own body will act against you. Bad back? Feet don�t let you dance well? They WANT you to look stupid in front of your friends. Mark my words, THINGS are everywhere and they won�t be satisfied until you�re one of them again�

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2004-04-22 4:58 PM Resistentialism Previous Entry :: Next Entry Mood: Paranoid Read/Post Comments (2) Share on Facebook	Things are out to get us You know when you stub your toe, or bump your head on a car door. It is no accident. THINGS caused it Let me tell you, it�s been scientifically proven that toast, with one side jellied/buttered, when dropped, will land face down 92.74% of the time. What do you think that is? It�s the toast, man, it wants you to fail. That�s right, inanimate objects have been pissed at you ever since you were born. They despise your higher levels of consciousness and they intend to take it out on you. Don�t believe me? Try eating coco puffs without like half of it jumping to the floor, or try sweeping into a dust pan � can�t get that last bit can you? Or try playing golf! Good god man, you think your hand-eye coordination is really THAT bad? No way, the ball and club are out to get you; I wouldn�t turn my back on them for a second Sometimes even your own body will act against you. Bad back? Feet don�t let you dance well? They WANT you to look stupid in front of your friends. Mark my words, THINGS are everywhere and they won�t be satisfied until you�re one of them again� Read/Post Comments (2) Previous Entry :: Next Entry Back to Top
:: HOME :: GET EMAIL UPDATES :: Slate :: New York Times :: The Economist :: Guardian :: Hindustan Times :: Japan Times :: Mirth Musings and More! :: Yin Blog :: Hunkabutta :: Healing Iraq :: Kontraband (not entirely work safe!) :: Worth 1000 :: The GripBoard :: The Power and Bulk Message Board! :: EMAIL ::