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A Realization
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My birthday is just ten days away. And while I have been looking forward to the fun I will have that weekend, I have also realized something that's kind of scary. This will be the last time I ever turn twenty-something. On Sunday, October 26, I will be 29 years old. My last birthday of my twenties. I don't want to be close to thirty. I want to stay in my twenties forever. This impending birthday is really starting to be depressing.

The other scary thing is that I *feel* old. From my bad back to my bad knees to my being out of shape to my asthma to my acid reflux to the myriad of other health problems I have, I feel so much older than 29. I feel like I'm in my sixties or seventies. I need a new body.

I also feel kind of pathetic. I'm going to be 29 and I still don't have a job. Believe me, it's not for lack of trying, but still - it's depressing to be this age and still out of work. Granted, I did get married, graduate from law school, and take the bar this year - but I'm going to be 29 and never have held a real job. I'm beginning to think that I might be cursed when it comes to finding a job. Just like the Cubbies can't get a break when it comes to the World Series (damn those Marlins - I hope they all get crabs), I can't get a break when it comes to finding a job. I can't find ANYONE to hire me. It's not even legal jobs. I haven't ever been able to land any job that wasn't for free. Ever since Rob and I saw some weird Christmas special at my Mom's house with an "unemployable Yeti" in it, I have joked that I am that unemployable Yeti. Now it doesn't feel like joking.

So, I'm going to be 29 in ten days. A pathetic 29. There are people more than ten years younger who have held paying jobs. And yet I can't seem to find anything. Looking at my life right now, I don't like what I see. Can I have a new body and a new life? I would like to keep the same husband though. Rob is pretty much the only really good thing I have in my life right now. I don't know what I would do without him. But other than having him there for me, I don't like the way my life looks right now. Not one bit.

Wow, that turned out to be a lot more depressing than I thought it would be. I just wanted to talk about being spooked that this was my last 20-some birthday. The rest just kind of came out. Sorry about that, but I guess this is a good forum to vent and let things like that come out in. Unfortunately, what has come out in this entry has put things into a whole new perspective. And it's a perspective that really bothers me.


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