I got the biggest bag-o-stuff at the conference in Florida. Contents:

1. Squeezy ball with the student government seal from one of our client universities

2. Sallie Mae “Nobody lends you more support ™” pen. One end has a blue marker, the other what looks like a clear highlighter, the purpose of which eludes me. Maybe it’s one of those magic pens that makes the blue marker turn another color when the clear pen is used over it.

3. A lanyard to hold your conference badge, also from the student government. This organization must have money to burn.

4. An odd little device with my company's logo on it that contains a phone cord inside a plastic case. The cord retracts into a neatly wound circle when not in use. Considering the number of places that now have high speed access and the limited usefulness of a phone cord to be used with a modem, perhaps we should think about upgrading these to Ethernet cables.

5. Another lanyard, this one from my company. I can’t figure out how to use the circular piece of plastic at the end to clip onto the badge. It twists and turns and makes a creepy squeaking noise, and looks like some sort of evil torture device, but does not have a practical purpose that I can determine.

6. A magnetic paper clip dispenser from the folks at Office Depot. Always a good choice to put really close to your laptop.

7. Sallie Mae “Nobody lends you more support ™” red hots. I kid you not.

8. A tiny (2” x 3”) plastic encased notepad and pen from the same people who brought me the student government paraphernalia.

9. An American flag decal.

10. A decal from the student government university. It looks like a really angry owl with a bad case of hemorrhoids.

11. Samples of Garnier Fructis FORTIFYING SHAMPOO and FORTIFYING CONDITIONER. The guy in the ad looks like the spawn of Satan and the girl looks like she’s sampled way too many narcotics.

12. A handy key chain bottle and can opener from those student government folks. For all those times that you binge drink away from home.

13. A cheesy ballpoint pen from my company. I know we’re not going to give Watermans out to everyone, but can’t we at least use rollerballs?

14. A pencil and plastic-wrapped pen/highlighter combo from the student government. Do the parents know this what their tuition payments fund? And why is the pen wrapped in plastic?

15. Sallie Mae post-its.

16. A pad of notepaper with the logos of my company and the university that hosted the conference, along with a grammatically incorrect saying.

17. A Suntone ® shower radio with a funky curved clip to hang it from the shower head. Looks rather like alien fetish attire. Water resistant, not waterproof. I already have a shower radio and can’t show preference to one child over another by giving it to either of them, so maybe I will auction it off.

18. The lovely and functional dark blue tote bag, logo’d on both sides, into which all this stuff was crammed.

Dreams: Something about cooking a very large baked ham with a dark brown glaze. And I didn't even wake up hungry.