Delta has the most confusing upgrade process that I’ve encountered. They have upgrade lists, stand-by lists for first class, stand-by lists to get onto the plane at all, lists for airline employees, lists of who’s been naughty or nice. They’re all shown on a screen by the gate and apparently if you move from one color list to another, your status changes. You’re not allowed to ask the gate agent about when the names are “cleared”, or they will snap at you to watch the monitor. You’re also discouraged from telling the gate agent that the people at the ticket counter refused to take your credit card for the upgrade fee. The ticket people, who were very pleasant, albeit mildly intellectually challenged when it comes to logical argument, offered the following excuse for not being willing to take your money:

1. If you cannot get upgraded on the flight, you will not be able to get your money back.
2. This will only happen if the ticket person who swiped your card goes off shift between the time that you pay for the upgrade and the time the plane leaves with you on it, upgrade-less. There is some mystical connection between the ticket agent and your credit card, which cannot be put asunder by anyone.
3. You will never get your money back. Never ever. No one will believe you, you will not have a receipt, and the ticket agent gets to keep the money. Sort of like playing craps with the customer’s money.

What the fuck? Ok, so I made up #3 because a list of only two items seems pretty anemic, but this has got to be a contributing factor in why the airlines continue to lose money. Gross incompetence, poor processes and lazy execution must be worth a few billion a year. (And today I read that Delta is spending millions - millions, I tell you! - redesigning their flight attendants uniforms.) The number one rule of designing any interface (whether it’s person-to-person or person-to-computer) is to never, under any circumstances make the user feel stupid. Delta violated this rule in every interaction I had with them today. On the plus side, I got a seat in first class with no one sitting beside me. I’m sure they did that on purpose to keep one of their valued frequent fliers from having to sit next to the crazy woman who insisted on paying her upgrade fee.