Sunday I did something I've never done before in my life, and it makes me sick to think about it. Nothing illicit, nothing illegal, nothing immoral, but distressing nonetheless. So how much fun could it possibly have been, you wonder? Well, not so much. I was supposed to give the keynote speech at our management institute and I forgot. I can manufacture an excuse: the kids had been sick all day and were particularly clingy on Sunday evening, which is very unusual for them. I was exhausted and the commitment slipped my mind. I didn't bother to check my calendar over the weekend, thinking that I knew everything on it.

When I make a commitment like this, I keep it - I do the research, take it seriously, think about the audience, know the material. I did all of those things. I just didn't show up. Especially ironic when you consider that the speech was about leadership, which is at least 50% all about showing up.

My appraisal of the one boorish new boss I met last night was shared by my peers, as I learned today. He was described as "a little rough" and "suitable for the Sopranos".

We have some very difficult decisions to make at work. Decisions that will ultimately touch the lives of many people - employees, clients, partners. We are working through the implications of these decisions now, and they're all as cold and ugly as the gravel-encrusted snow here in the school parking lot where I'm waiting for Rebecca. I will feel anguish over these choices all weekend, try to model them out, boil them down to their bare numeric essentials, and still never really get comfortable with any of them. Although I've had to do this before, I still live with the scars of every prior decision that was conveniently labeled "not personal". It just never gets any easier.