From an article in the news today about the Beatles music not yet being available for purchase online: "Even George W. Bush has figured out how to get Beatles songs on his iPod." He knows how to operate an iPod?!!

I have developed an odd fascination with the song "Don't Cha" that's featured in a Heineken ad. Can't tell if it's the original by Tori Alamaze (which, like the Beatles, does not seem to be available through any online music service, or the watered-down version by the Pussycat Dolls.

The tiny township where I live publishes a newsletter every quarter. Here is a sampling of the headlines in the Spring issue:

1. Did You Receive Your Sewer/Refuse Bill? (Presumably, your mail service has resumed with delivery of the paper copy of the newsletter.)

2. Keep Your Doors Locked! (A birthday card was stolen, but don't panic - it was recovered and is being processed for fingerprints.)

3. Stormwater vs. Wastewater (In which we learn that the heathens in the western part of the state allow their communities to CO-MINGLE the two flavors of water: "Stormwater and wastewater are two completely different types of discharge and both are well regulated. Unlike many areas of the state - particularly Pittsburgh - we do not and never have co-mingled stormwater and wastewater."

4. Park and Recreation Information ("This fall we will sponsor a trip to the site where Flight 93 crashed in western Pennsylvania during the 9/11 attack, and then continue on for a wonderful, enlightening weekend in Pittsburgh. Join your neighbors, make new friends and share a smile with me. We would love to see you." Is that just extraordinarily creepy, or what?)

5. Get Your Lawn and Garden off Drugs! (Don't worry about your kids - they're too far gone to help!)

6. Rules of Conduct at the (private, but funded with taxpayer dollars) golf club. Dress Code - Gentlemen are required to wear a tucked-in collared shirt. Slacks or Bermuda shorts (no more than 2” above the knee) are appropriate. No jeans are allowed. Ladies are required to wear shirts with collars and sleeves. Slacks, skirts, skorts or shorts (no more than 3” above the knee) are appropriate. No metal spikes are permitted. (So, women can show an inch more leg, but can't put their shoulders on display, and everyone has to leave those spiked dog collars at home.)

7. Les Hazard’s Solution For a Hazard-less Home. UNACCEPTABLE MATERIALS (for hazardous waste collection): Latex (water-based) paint, Explosives, Ammunition, Appliances, Radioactive waste, Tires, Infectious waste, Unidentified waste. (Dammit. I've been saving up all that used plutonium, bird flu-infected chicken carcasses, and a big tub-o-unidentified-waste.)