For the past several months I have been on a quest to find a pair of new (I’ll explain a bit later why I feel the need to include this adjective) women’s cotton orange ankle socks. Not exactly a Da Vinci Code-esque type of a quest, but it has led me to find:

1. Socks that are refugees from the 80s.

2. Wool socks that are especially comfortable in the humidity of summer.

3. Socks with large, partly orange-striped cats.

4. Socks that are simply hideous.

5. There are way too many used socks for sale on eBay, all of which “will be cleaned prior to shipment per eBay’s policy”. To each their own fetish, but this one just squicks me out.

6. Although not as much as this service that claims to help you “keep your underwear drawer stocked.” It’s not the concept of signing up for a service that will provide men with regular shipments of underwear and socks (there don’t appear to be any items for women), it’s the fact that nowhere on this site does it mention the word “new”, rather that “fresh” underwear will be delivered on a regular basis. You could probably just buy “fresh” undies on eBay for a lot less.