So the other night I sez to Stu I sez "I'm starting a new philosophy, a new movement if you will." I sez "…Instead of 'intelligent design', I'm offering the theory that people were the result of UNintelligent design."

"Aw honey," he sez, "you were just built on a Friday afternoon."

"Yeah," I sez, "right before a long weekend, maybe Memorial Day." I sez, considering that I was born in early March, so counting backwards on my fingers and toes nine months….

(This sequed into a discussion of giving workers flex-time and higher wages so they wouldn't all jump ship on three day weekends and how god was apparently a capitalist but never MIND that now….)

The thing is, every time I slog across the living room, especially late in the day when the gravity is turned up (you DO know that theory right? That gravity is turned up the later in the day it gets. By nighttime, it's at its highest. This is to help you stay in bed at night, not to float up too far. Gravity also is turned up on rainy days, to ensure that the rain falls DOWNward, and doesn't go flitting off in all directions.)

So like anyway, I'm doing one of my slogs across the endless expanses of living room opining that frankly, WHEELS would be a lot handier than FEET right about now, and that no one can possibly believe we were designed intelligently because if we were, well SHEESH, we'd have far more flexible joints, and things wouldn’t wear out and we'd have that third arm/hand that was extractable when we needed it, and we'd have arms that BENT so we could always scratch that itchy spot in the middle of our backs (that is, if we have to be ITCHY at all, and what kind of intelligent design is one that makes creatures what ITCH) and well, you know all that stuff. We still got appendices and they serve no known purpose, and our little toes JUST get in the way and should have been gone long ago and gills would be handy as would webbed feet once in a while and skin that did more than just keep rain out. And we break really rather easily and I'm sorry but the entire UPRIGHT thing is SUCH a drag.

So that's my theory, which is mine. Who and whatever "designed" us did NOT do such an impressive job. Mutations are far too common as is our ability to defend against things that are supposed to help us. Things go twisty FAR too easily when they should stay straight, and they slip and slide. Skin burns just to LOOK at it, and then there's itching. Never MIND big diseases and aging. SHEESH.

The dumb design movement. Who's with me?