My goodness, is that the date already? Heavens, four days into the new year and what have I got to say for myself? I say friends and neighbors, boys and girls…

Step right up. It’s goofy gift time.

See, here’s the thing; I might have mentioned that my friends Kate and Glenn who get the Sunday NY Times save it for me and that every so often, I delight in receiving shopping bags full of newspapers to go through. I love the Sunday Times. Still. I don’t recall when I started reading it, but it’s my idea of how to spend a Sunday morning (bagels might help but not really; I’m not really that much of a bagel/traditionalist type). And while I no longer wait to do the puzzle, as it appears in my local Sunday paper, I spend hours getting my hands black with ink while I go through the stacks of newsprint. I dump much of it, but I eventually read much of it.

With this batch from November and December which came home from K & G’s house (they hosted the New Year’s Eve party I went to) we got, of course, the horrific “holiday sales” ads and the “you must be joking” ads for weird, hugely expensive clothing that who-the-hell-ever-wears. But I admit to finding some amusement when in mid-December there was a half-page spread for last minute cheap-o gifts (cheap by NY standards I’d say - $50 and under?) which ranged from reasonable LL Bean bags with Hudson Bay blanket type design to “beauty products” (drastically overpriced but convenient!). Also, though, where the other laughable gifts which a) creeped me out a bit (oh LOOK, a little mini paper shredder for a kid shaped like an elephant (to follow up on the trend over the past year to put alarms on diaries and all this paranoid shit they put out) (but what bout those really cute “animal shaped rubber bands – oh, we need those) and then b) made me giggle and go google.

Google, I love Google. WHICH, by the way, today, January 4, celebrates the birth of Louise Braille by, yes, putting the Google logo in BRAILLE. No you can’t read it but it’s a reminder, okay? And clicking on the logo brings you to some nifty links – of course – about the man and brought me, for example, to the “My Hero Project” website, which is awfully cool and worth looking at.

But back to my project, which was to google for the dopey item I saw on the article for which they did not provide a website, because they were available at all Saks Fifth Avenue stores. Swarovski crystal-studded earphones. For my iPod of COURSE. Of COURSE!

I’ve joked about buying stick on crystals for my iPod; haven’t done so because I can only imagine the mess I’d make but I still think about it. I can get them from the Computer Gear store which sells them so you can fancy up your mouse. But HOW do you look up “crystal earphones”? You start with “iPod accessories” and add “crystal” but that’s a kind of cover so you go “fun iPod accessories” or you just follow the links you find until you find the right stuff. It’s a really dangerous slippery slope,trust me.

Which led me today to

Brightfeet” – slippers that have lights in them in the case of a badly lt house, or power outage. Come ON GANG, is this not cute? I found these by going to a site call 0 ready – thecoolhunter.net, which I’ve already spent too much time on today. A total time sink – including the “imaginary affair kit” but we will not discuss the “pee and poo” toys. No we will not. But we might mention the light up pigeon.

Anyway the slippers. (brightfeetslippers.com) But come on – black, navy and beige? Is that all? For $40, don’t we get pink? Ok, I know, I’m probably the only one who’d want pink. They look very much like my felt clogs and have light sensors which ONLY COME ON in darkened conditions. Do you not love this. And they have timers so they don’t turn off until you’re back in bed. Never mind the crystal earpods. No wait I still want to find those. For yucks. But still…

We got THERE by seeing a notice of lightup headphone CORDS is 6 colors, which okay, I really don’t need. Even if they do offer pink.

Which is still my chosen color for the iPod hoodie I want. I just had to see if I actually would lose THIS one before committing. The case I bought for the old one doesn’t work on this earlier model, so I’m stuck. It’s TOO funny to mention that you can find knitting instructions for an iPod hoodie ALSO on the webl so you could say, provide a sleek white angora sweater for our pod, or perhaps an argyle vest if you were into knitting greatness. I’m not. Snork. Or a beanbag to rest your ipod on (for $25 – good um, gravy) But it comes in black vinyl OR zebra – to match your full size beanbag chair, so what are you waiting for? http://www.mypodsack.com/

Is it time for my medication already, nurse?