I’m guessing most people don’t set aside four or five hours to watch the Olympic opening ceremonies. I’ve been doing so for a while; I find it (usually) pretty interesting to see what a country comes up with when they’re on a particular “international stage” and what they focus on. How they project their idea of the Olympic “values” and what weird shit they come up with as entertainment (I think they all come up with some version of weird shit, don’t they?) I’m even willing to watch the “parade of nations” to learn who the flag-bearer might be (sometimes it’s a cool story – like someone’s at their fifth Winter Games (one last night was a 52 year old woman – I’m 52 years old folks! Yeesh) and to see the outfits. I admit it, I’m interested even in seeing how a country presents itself in that manner.

The Winter Games, as they are officially know, I think, are way smaller than summer; there are dozens of countries of course that don’t have the weather, climate or mountains for many of the sports; or the financial base. There’s not a winter sport equivalent of, say, running, which requires little in terms of stadium, expensive equipment, coaches. Not that those aren’t worth having, mind you, but we’ve seen marathon, world and Olympic athletes for a log time from poorer countries like Kenya, Ethiopia. But you can’t exactly fake it with skiing; you need, well, skis of some sort. And snowy hills of some sort. And don’t give me the Jamaican Bobsledders. That was pretty much a unique thing and it’s not usual But I did enjoy seeing representatives from Bermuda, Jamaica, South Africa, and Kenya just because it’s so unexpected.

And who’s honored is always interesting. Who gets to bring the Olympic flame into the arena, where attention is huge, who gets to actually light the damn “cauldron” which honor usually goes to someone who’s won lots of medals (usually but not always). Who gets to carry the Olympic flag can be interesting and who takes the oaths for the athletes (of course we won’t use drugs!) and the coaches (of course we won’t favor our countries athletes, that would be you know, like wrong) can even say something.

So okay, No one can impress me any more since Barcelona when the torch was lit by an arrow – an ARROW, folks – shot by a man named Antonio Robello, a PARALYMPIC archer. I don’t recall an Olympics ever where a Paralympic athlete actually took art The Paralympics are separate events, held weeks before/after the, well, um, the able-bodied Olympics.

Cathy Freeman lit the thing in 2000 in Sydney – Freeman’s aboriginal, and it was a cool moment. There’s other symbolism if you care about such stuff, and I do. I looked it up – in Montreal, the torch lighters were 2 teenagers, one French-speaking, one English-speaking. In Tokyo, in 1964, the flame was carried to the cauldron by someone born in Hiroshima, August 6, 1945. These are only athletic competitions, but at least they try sometimes.

But of course then there are the US attempts which I think sometimes stink on ice. I’m sorry but Muhammed Ali, an Olympian, yes and a great, as I understand it, fighter, has such severe Parkinson’s. Now you know damn well that doesn’t bother me, but well, it seemed to me to engender pity and sadness to see it. (I’ve read that the Parkinson’s was brought on by too many blows to the head – it is after all a neurological brain disease, but I don’t know if tat’s at ALL true. If it is, then the appearance by Ali is that much uglier). And I thought the Atlanta flame lighting tacky beyond belief. I know there’s a huge rah-rah over the American hockey team beating the USSR in 1980; to me it was massively overpainted with politics – see, we kicked Russian butt – and celebrates far too much jingoism and “patriotism” and not sport. Or well, there was a guy who was VOTED to the honor by all the athletes. There was Rafer Johnson, not only a great athlete but a hugely fine human being

Okay okay, symbolism is what it is.

Yesterday’s thing was some of the most boring spectacle I have seen since I began watching this stuff. There was little creative in what anyone wore (and some of those coats were downright ugly and looked like unrolled sleeping bags) (though I predict scarf-trading will become trendy when the athletes get to know each other). The music as the athletes came into the stadium? American DISCO music. Gloria Gaynor, the Village People. Does Italy not have any music? Seems to me I remember a few guys named Verdi but that was so long ago.

Oh yeah, Pavarotti sang. I missed it. Which is a good thing because I’m so screaming SICK of “Nessun Dorma” I might have damaged the television (it’s been used by a FEW too many figure skaters). The requisite little kids singing. Italy was represented by cows, weird whte balls and a bunch of folks in period costume (described by the guy on Canadian tv as “Renaissance” when as Stu pointed out, they were WAY later.) “Artwork” brought to life after the work of (I looked it up) Arcimboldo – the guy who used veggies in his portraits of people, you remember?

But this is the land of ART innit? I mean say “Italy” to people and after we’ve all done food, we think sculpture, painting, fresco? Okay, I do.

Anyway. Boring Boring boring boring. And that was watching the Canadian version which at least didn’t tire me out spouting endless factoids (I have no idea what US tv did but they were running stuff way later and I didn’t want to spend all night) Yoko Ono? Peter Gabriel?

I am glad they didn’t let Tomba the skier and huge ego light the torch. He was a sleaze then and I bet he still is – and I bet he’s pissed that he didn’t get to light the thing. I’m sure there are “patriots” who are inflamed that Susan Sarandon was one of the eight women who helped bring in the flag. (You think Sophia Loren is coloring her hair? Right, as if she doesn’t have the right to look as FABULOUS as she does.)

They had eight women bring in the flag. And the oaths were taken by two men. I know, picky picky, but we WATCH for the symbols, the statements being presented.

Boring. Dull. Boring. The only good thing? I didn’t see the mascots scampering about. (I’m still aghast that one mascot is blue and one is red – the red one is supposed to symbolize “snow”. Yeah. Right. Right after a skier misses a gate and slams into a wall and bleeds? WHAT is THAT?) The acrobats in white were cool and I did like that dove. I did think the ski jumper that the folks make out of their bodies was a HOOT and wish they’d done more of that and less of the symbolic whatever the hell it was.

Disco music?