Last week’s newspaper had a big photo in the business section that accompanied an article on – well, I forget frankly. Something, I think about teenagers or college kids getting work experience. What bugged me was the photo. It was a standard posed nonsense photo but what really bugged me was how stupid and clueless the photo editor was in putting the shot – the BIG shot – on the page without doing any cropping or fixing of the photo. Cuz here’s why: it was a picture of a young woman allegedly at her “job” where she was allegedly doing some library research. I forget what the job was. But it showed her at a desk, I think in a library where she has a notebook (not a computer but a paper notebook – as the cartoon today called it paper “crunchy tissue” (one of the few Bloom county strips that has made me laugh in ages – what a waste that thing is) and then in front of her is a large document. It’s some sort of bound item – maybe newspaper sized. And it’s readable – it said something like “Presidents Speech on War Preparedness”.

So here is our student. But she’s leaning over the printed piece with a pen in her hand. Clearly it’s meant to look like she’s writing. But she’s writing NOT in her notebook but on a printed article which of course she’d be marring if she touched it. WHY she can’t be making a note in her phony baloney notebook, I don’t know. But wait, of course she can’t. Because what’s also totally clear in the shot is that the cap is still on her pen.

Come ON now. At least if you’re going to play pretend in a photo, assume that someone is going to LOOK at the damn thing and notice this. Or maybe no one does. But it irked the heck out of me.

As did the recent “oh by the way” posts by more than one writer on DorothyL. Folks, do NOT DO THIS AT HOME. I guess I understand that if you have a book out, you’d love to have it nominated for an award. But get over yourself. There are dozens of books out there and few of them will make the cut for the Anthony ballot. I know from my own real experience that dozens of books are nominated; I have no way of knowing/proving that many of those nominations, especially if there is one nomination, is from the author of the book, since I never saw the ballot ONLY the printout. But that’s okay, assume that; I mean you have every right in the world to believe your book is award-worthy, so nominate it of course. But then DO NOT campaign. These coy “reminders” that “I had a book out in 2005, you might remember”, these 2 bit “for your consideration” mentions on the list are SO FLAMING TACKY that I cannot stand it. The accusation of ”coy” comes from my sense that no one can write “please nominate my book for an Anthony” without coming across as 0 well not desperate, certainly but somehow needy. So they try to get around it by being sort of “oh, gosh, gee” (scuff foot into sand) could I just like um, er mention my book. In most cases, said person has mentioned said book 38 times since it’s been out and has the title, ISBN, and a quote in the sig of every post. (still not quite as bad as the woman whose sig is NINE, count ‘em NINE lines long).

Especially egregious is the one who NEVER CONTRIBUTES WORD ONE to the conversation, but ensures that he mentions his flipping book while addressing us as “Fellow mystery writers” ensuring he is both clueless AND RUDE as hell since he cannot be bothered to read the FAQ nor notice that we are NOT ALL FLIPPING MSTERY WRITERS AND WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO KNOW THIS? (of course I think this was the same guy who hated my review of his less than perfect book) but I was underwhelmed by it and very surprised it won the St Martin’s contest and said so in my review.

But GOD how can anyone do this and think it’s not transparent? I always refer to it as “coy” because it’s so often couched in this sort of “golly, gee, shucks, gosh” language.

And I hate it so much that I am likely to give a pass to any writer who does it on the list. I’d hate to actually do that if I liked a book enough that I thought it worthy but that’s how much I hate this campaigning crap. I posted to the list about it – thinking of it as those asshole “for your consideration” ads I hear run when the movie world wants Oscar attention. Yes ,I understand that it helps to be nudged about what WAS and was NOT published in a specific year, but then POST THAT. Post resources if you want to be helpful; clearly you don’t, you want people to notice you. And I suppose it’s like other things – annoying asshole commercials that stick in someone’s brain so that when they go to the store, they BUY that brand of toilet paper because for some reason the name stuck and they can’t remember that it stuck because it was flaming OBNOXIOUS. And apparently assholes DO DRINK Bud or Miller because they believe it makes them desirable and that anorexic blond athletic women will drool all over them because they drink that piss.

But the downside is the rest of us – the ones who carefully take notes because we don’t like being screamed at (the guy who does ALL those tv ads – yes I use the mute button but it sneaks in at times, you know it does) or treated as if we are really stupid, or as if we are all teenage or middle-aged men concerned with getting laid, or as if we can’t keep simple notes on what books we liked. The folks on DL post extensively about humongous lists they maintain of what they read; you think they can manage a list of what they read and liked best?

Or maybe I’m just extra extra cranky because I know that a) I probably have to have test I don’t want to have because my hand is still numb after a month and b) West Wing ends tonight and the DVDs (each season) are all in the $40 range and I want them ALL. And I don’t want that tv show to end – a statement that you have NEVER heard me say in all my life.