I know I jump at times; I don’t get why people don’t do things a certain way or more plainly why they don’t DO things but I’m really baffled why there is this assumption out there, given the froggin’ internet, that it’s easier to ask someone else to do something, to answer something to look something up than it is to, say, do it yourself, look it up yourself.

I know that all answers do not exist on the net and I know many are wrong. I get that there are times to ask an expert – god knows I have. But years of being on a mailing list and watching the kinds of questions people ask, instead of LOOKING it up is getting to me. Getting emails asking me to take the time to answer something that would take FIFTEEN SECONDS on Google is getting to me. I’m losing patience more and more and I still don’t get it. On my planet, we know how to look things up.

And yeah, I admit I expect that of people who read and who use the internet, at least at the adult level I’m at. I assume peole can get things in context sometimes. Or if not, they were introduced to dictionaries, encyclopedias, thesauri, in their youth. What I don’t expect is for someone to write to me and ask what author writes such-and-such a character who is currently – currently mind you, I’m not saying some character who has disappeared – but who is currently appearing in books. Why can’t that person LOOK IT UP? I tried it when, recently, I got email asking me who the author who was responsible for a character (this from a discussion of “not all Xs are like ‘[John Smith’ which I participated in on line.) (ok it was John Rebus.) So I went to Google and typed in “John Rebus character” or “John Rebus mystery” and of course got huge hits, any one of which, if you clicked on it would have supplied “Ian Rankin”. I didn’t start the discussion, mind you, but I got the email.

I see stuff constantly saying “when is X’s next book out?” Now given that I maintain the Mysterious Home Page list of author websites I know I’m way more up on things than many people, but there ARE lists out there of author websites. You can go to them. Or hey, you can type in the author’s name into (dare I say it again) Google, and gosh, the website will probably show up and you can look for yourself because that’s the sort of thing authors want you to know. Or you go to MHP, or Stopyourekillingme, another huge resource where you can – dare I say it – look up a character if you don’t know an author. (R for Rebus, yes, I did try it it was right there, didn’t even have to click on anything, it read “detective sergeant in Edinburgh, Scotland by Ian Rankin”).

I’m running a convention and lately I’m having problems being patient. I don’t know what to do about it. I do take deep breaths and I reply as politely as I possibly can to people but I don’t get why they cannot LOOK STUFF UP. Look, I totally understand that conventions are unknown entities to most people. But if you’ve found our website (and I happen to know in cases I’m citing that these folks have) then a) it reads “Left Coast Crime: 17th Annual Western Mystery Fan Convention”. That phrasing bugs me personally as “Fan” shouldn’t be there but I believe it to be a help to people in understanding the main page of what we are. Then there’s the stuff over on the side which includes something that reads “
Chair’s Message” the first one of which is “What IS LCC?” And the 3d one is “How to be on program”.

The first one explains in( painstaking) detail, (probably too much but I really want folks to GET it,) that LCC is a convention NOT a writer’s conference. I don’t know that any other convention website goes into this level of detail. It says how long LCC’s been going, it says what we do and do not offer (no workshops) it says we’re volunteer run, it says what happens (panels and signings and banquet and dealer’s room and socializing). It explains the term “MEMBERSHIP” and about how you JOIN the convention and then you’re a member. “ Okay?

And yet, I get folks telling me they don’t know what will be happening at the convention and can’t decide if they want to attend. And they’re looking for a writer’s conference, it’s apparent from their emails. But they get mad – ok, not mad but huffy? - if I tell them, “no, I won’t send you the program questionnaire, you haven’t joined the convention yet and the update I sent out specifically stated that “convention members” are getting questionnaires if they checked the right box on the membership form. There’s that word again.

I say it nicer than that but I’m starting to worry if I can keep that up. But I don’t understand how you can’t know what is going on. We didn’t have a lot up initially but I sort of kind of guess that if you don’t know what something is, you either write and ask right away (what is this thing anyway?) or you look it up by oh I dunno going to Google and typing in Left Coast Crime? Or going to your favorite mystery information site?

Some months ago I got email from a publicist suggesting I find a spot for an author at Left Coast. This author who was from the Seattle area, does not write mystery fiction NOR any related non-fiction. He writes YA stuff (don’t jump – if it were even remotely mystery….) and apparently got into hot water over a book he published this year. I don’t know why, I don’t know what I don’t friggin’ care. I found it horribly rude to waste my time with this crap because it had nothing NOTHING to do with Left Coast Crime. NOTHING. The book was out, had made some controversy headlines and somewhere back in New York, I say with my LEAST tolerant tone, some publicity Twinkie (thank you Denise – I think I got that from Denise Hamilton) was reporting that she’d done outreach for her author that week. By sending totally useless inappropriate email to someone. Yay, rah.

I know, I should have ignored that one, as I should have ignored so many other emails from golf courses in Canada, or someone from the Midwest who was offering to speak at LCC (lots of “offers”, asking to be “invited”). I should not spend the time writing back. I’ve GOT to learn that. Anyone else like that – have this knee jerk “Oh I must write back” reaction to every email, even when it’s time-wasting, or inconsiderate, or just plain wrong or rude? And if I don’t write back, of course, I’m being rude.

I’m overreacting aren’t I, but why can’t people read FIRST then ask? Why can’t the person who wanted to see the questionnaire to see if it met his needs look stuff up on the net first? He is net-capable, and yet told me he relied on someone he knows to inform me of writers’ conferences. Well, but I’m not doing a writer’s conference.

Is it all like that? God no. You know how it is – 23 nice things and two annoying and what do you remember? Can I tell you there’s a special place in my heart for people like Barry Eisler and Paul Guyot and Aaron Elkins ALL of whom recently write me emails that reminded me yes, why I’m doing this? ESPECIALLY Paul Guyot who I’d marry in a second if it weren’t for this sort of committed relationship I’m in with this pretty wonderful guy. I have no idea about Paul but he SO outweighs all the “huh” moments in recent weeks.

But it still throws me and I still get peeved and I still don’t understand why it is that people can’t LOOK IT UP FIRST. Whether it’s what the hell “spotted dick” is, or what order Janet Evanovich’s books come in (ok, that’s just mean, that’s pretty obvious), but why is it okay to email someone to have them do work for you – especially when, well, um, it’s clear that that person has stuff that needs doing. Or even if you think someone lolls around eating bon-bons and petting her Pekinese puppy all day, or petting her bon-bons and eating…no, don’t go there….