Oh boy.

I’m not naïve; when 9/11 happened, some drunken yahoo moron shitheads idiots went after the mosques in Seattle and attacked people who wore turbans because all Muslims look alike to them and all of them wear turbans. Don’t try explaining the Sikh people to moron shitheads idiots, it’s a waste of breath. It happened everywhere, all over; my wonderful, often tolerant, educated city is no different.

So one very disturbed MSI on Friday forced his way into the office of the Jewish Federation of Seattle by putting a gun in the back of girl. The office had bullet-proof glass, a security system, cameras. It didn’t help. One woman is dead. Five are in the hospital, including the one who kept calm and called 911; she’s pregnant. She’ll be okay.

They’re not all Jews; they were just women who wanted jobs. Some of them are Jewish, some liked Judaism, some liked working in nonprofit. And they were shot. Because a man with serious mental illness – what kind is still unclear but may always be unclear - had reached his limit. The man from a Muslim family, yes, had reportedly been dealing with vague “mental illness” since high school. Rootless, without skills, job, anything. His family, as reported in the paper, used the words “ashamed” and “embarrassed” a lot; he was facing a “lewd conduct” charge for which trial had been reset for this week after it was originally scheduled in March. His one concern, according to the uncle who bailed him out was “don’t tell my parents”. No one knows why he did what he did. Any of it.

In the 48 hours or so since it happened, the small acts of kindness on the part of the Muslim community are making me cry. For ever individual who of COURSE understands that this was the act of man with so many problems, we can’t begin to understand (he even had profiles on things like “friendster” one said “I stopped reading books after college and have no fave book” the other reported that “books” were something eh really enjoyed. Total trivia but he couldn’t even figure out who the fuck he was in a pretend social situation.

He went into an office with security cameras declaring “I’ am a Muslim American” and declared his hatred for Israel. Any half intelligent person will know that this is the act of a seriously ill person and not blame others but this is the same country where Sikh men were attacked over the events of 9/11; where anyone vaguely Arabic looking, where if you were any sort of follower of Islam, or you looked like you MIGHT be - you know, “they all look alike”.

There’s nothing new in what I’m posting here; anyone who’s seen this sort of hellish act knows how it feels; you folks in New York, you know how it feels big time. This was a small act.

Back in 1998, Eric Rudolph bombed an abortion clinic in Alabama, seriously injuring Emily Lyons, a nurse there who has never recovered from her injuries. I admit that I identified with her; I never worked at a clinic but I did escort duty at Planned Parenthood years ago, when they were under siege by protestors. It could have been me, I thought. I more than thought - Holly Near’s lyric would not leave my head.

We all know that feeling, I suspect. When you hear of something happening, good or bad; if you’d stayed at that job, if you hadn’t moved from that city, if you hadn’t divorced him, or married her, if you still were doing that thing you sued to do, or going to that place you used to go. I suspect we all think that and wonder.

My last job in Seattle, before I went on disability, was at a Conservative synagogue. I’m not a good Jew; I don’t go to services, or support a temple; I’m not observant, I don’t believe in god. But I respect my roots and I never deny that I’m Jewish. In his search for “something Jewish” in Seattle, he could have come across any number of synagogues. It could have been “mine”. I doubt I would still be working there but you can’t help but think and wonder. And “It Could Have Been Me” in the hospital.

http://www.hollynear.com/lyrics/it.could.have.been.me.html