I’ve been waiting for 2 months for one particular “I’m sorry”.

More recently, I was in a situation where I was owed an apology big time and when I met the person who screwed me over, he never did manage to apologize.

This isn’t about political “non-apology” apologies although – god, don’t those drive you mad? “Mistakes were made” being the top one. Yeah, damn, those little pixies came in when I wasn’t looking, turned the microphone on just when I was using an ethnic slur. Those darn mice, they accepted that envelope full of cash from some sleazebag without checking with me. Brownies, it was the brownies - the ones I hired to clean the house and instead, gosh darn, they caught me at the motel with a staff member and told my wife. Damn mistake-makers!

And I’ll try not to let this devolve (isn’t that a great word?) into a rant about the lack of civility, common courtesy, racka-racka-racka, that I can drop into at any time. Because I encounter courtesy and civility every day and I so think it still exists. You simply can’t get by without it when you’re a scooter-user. And I’ve talked here about the very unhelpful “trying to be helpful” types, but I’ve also talked about being in places where people SO get it SO well and it’s heaven. And really honest, I do encounter truly courteous people all the time. And I really have met up with real customer service people who get their jobs. Not enough but enough to feel like it isn’t all dead.

BUT, I still have yet to hear from anyone – anyone at all – from the publisher at Bouchercon. With the exception of my great and good friend who pursued the problem after the convention (whose job it was not but who insisted he would deal with it) no one has bothered to email or call and address what happened. Not even a one line “hey we’re really sorry about Madison” from anyone in the company. And I find myself still stewing about it and I still believe someone should apologize and find the time to talk with me about what happened.

And the other guy? When someone makes an appointment with you, and you call in sick, it is your obligation – when it involves your job – it is your friggin obligation to ensure that person does not schlep to your meeting only to be told “oh, he called in sick today”. And THEN to get “he doesn’t have an assistant”. And NO ONE gets that “I’m sorry” is due. I never got an email canceling. I never got a phone call canceling. The guy NEVER CALLED ME BACK even when he was back at work to say “gosh, I’ve got to be sure that doesn’t happen again”. Or "gee, I'm sorry i wasn't here to meet you." He never got back to me; he assumed he was off the hook.

This was a meeting downtown. I don’t own a car (I probably wouldn't drive downtown anyway but) so it was a bus trip. Not a huge drag but come on, guys, I had to get out of the house, get on the bus (lift required, remember, so it’s always a teensy bit extra time consuming) get OFF the bus and get to the meeting on time. Only to be told etc.

When, a week later (because the guy was away for a week, NOT just the day I was told he was away), I talked to said person’s supervisor, he DID apologize for his employee as well as for several other issues about that meeting. And we rescheduled. And I met the guy who’d called in sick. WHO STILL MANAGED NOT TO SAY “I’M SORRY” about what had happened. The first words out of his mouth should have been "I'm sorry." He only managed to say how gosh he sure had been sick and he was still not feeling well. But those two dinky damn little words did not cross his lips; I know, I listened for them. As did Roberta who was with me. So what is it? Fear of weakness? Afraid of lawsuits? Why is “I’m sorry” so frickin' hard for someone to say? ESPECIALLY in a work situation where getting my good will meant making money.

And because of a situation, they are going to make money. in all likelihood, because I was so ill-treated that first time (it's more than just this guy not showing up - it's also that I was given wrong information and treated as a nuisance) that I would have chosen not to enter into a business relationship with these people and to lecture this guy on why not, but I had no choice. I needed them to do something and they were the only option.

At some point, because the guy’s supervisor seems to be a true mensch, I will say something to HIM about this issue. We seemed to communicate far better and he seems older and wiser. His employee seems less than the smartest person I’ve met (later email from him was less than articulate and I just won’t assume anything anymore with him.)

But when someone actually DOES apologize to me after I complain, I find that I am oh so much more likely to want to work with that person. And I will say “ok, sure you get another chance because you get it. You get why this is important to me. You get why you need to take responsibility for your screw-up.” In both cases above, I was inconvenienced. I schlepped someplace to meet up with someone. On my time and on my dime as it were. The people who screwed me over can’t give me my wasted time back, so maybe that’s why I don’t get an apology – they think there’s nothing they can do. But I don’t get that. Do you?

Or do you find that saying “I’m sorry” is difficult or impossible? I don’t; I say it all the time, because I screw up and I’m wrong and I don’t see why or how it diminishes me to say it. Are we all supposed to be perfect? Oh yeah, RIGHT. That’s gonna happen. SHEESH.