You may know that one of my jobs is to maintain the database for Kate Derie’s massively useful website. She runs Cluelass.com and part of that site is the “Mysterious Home Page” which is a “links-only” reference to, well, everything. EVERY mystery author (alive or dead), event, award, game, club…it’s really BIG. And hugely useful –at least I find it so. I use it all the time. Often I use to answer questions on DL (whilst reminding people it’s THERE, sigh) but it’s also where I find “what’s coming out” (on the “Bloodstained Bookshelf” part of Cluelass, and when I can’t remember who wrote WHAT, there are dozens of ways to search on the main site. I love it.

Udating/finding websites is a nit-picky job. I pick good nits. Until about six months ago, I maintained the database at a non-profit, fixing addresses and taking names OFF the mailing list – you know, those nit-picky tasks that are so valuable and no one has time for? I’m good at that stuff.

I update MHP monthly. I get new webpages off of DorothyL (when authors come in for the first time) or from review books (where the book or press stuff has a website listed) and sometimes someone just writes to Kate to say “please may I be listed?” About twice a year I click on every damn link to find broken ones. And about three times a year I sit down with a publication and fix stuff – the Bouhcercon program book, the LCC program book and Sisters In Crime’s Books in Print which now lists websites (though many authors listed there do not have them. Tsk.)

ANYWHOO so here I am, catching up on the SinC BiP for 2007. And finding that of course, there are errors. I mean for one thing, the authors had to send stuff in MONTHS ago and websites can change. No question. I’m currently about halfway through the alphabet and have about 75 new websites. It would be 80 or more but at least 5 of those listed in the BinP are WRONG. They do not exist. In a couple cases I tried to Google, because typos happen and I misread stuff but in a lot of cases, these websites simply don’t happen.

When they do, and you see, I CHECK every one so I’m not listing a phantom website (“The Phantom Website”, a new children’s book) I usually don’t spend too much time there, just enough to ensure it’s real. But I do see things and I would like to offer the following suggestions to authors.

WHETHER YOU PAY SOMEONE TO DO YOUR WEBSITE OR NOT, CHECK IT! Test EVERY link! Check every word. Ask a friend, JUST as if it were a manuscript, to go over your website very carefully.

In the last 2 days I have found –

-websites that do not work (I don’t know if the author realizes that her website does not have her first name in the url, but only the first initial, but her listing in BinP is wrong.

-websites that have links that do not work. The one that purportedly links to “Amazon” so you can buy the book apparently reads “hppt://Amazon….” NOT “http” and apparently no one has told the author/web designer and no one has tried the link. That’s sad.

-websites with pure and simple TYPOS. Do not post a website essay that says “ the author comes form” when it should “the author comes from”.. Check spelling. Check spacing. Check whether this sentence no verb. Check whether words are repeated. This is still PRINT folks, and it still should be proofread.

-websites with egregious typos. CHECK YOUR spelling. It’s not “dozen’s” it’s “dozens” when you are referring to many many people. It’s “lightning” not “lighting” when it comes ZAP out of the sky. Where are your proofreading friends????? Do not capitalize nouns just because they are nouns. This is not the 16th century – or whatever – so do not caption a photo “Mary Jane Author appears at Lovely Bookstore to Read from her newest fiction novel”.

If you quote me, cite my review. Thank you. Could you please spell my name right? Thank you. You probably don’t use my name, just cite the publication, but gee, could you? Reviewers whose work you cite are your friends. Be nice to your friends. We NEVER know that we’ve been quoted on a website, in print, on a book jacket. NO ONE tells us until we see it by accident or Google our names in an ego scan.

For gods sake, please do NOT tell me you hope to write a “Fiction novel” some day. I will never ever ever read your books. That is simply WRONG. A fiction novel? Is that like a wedding marriage? I have seen this construction more than once and it’s WRONG. I don’t know what it is supposed to mean, but whatever it is supposed to mean, it’s WRONG. Novels ARE FICTION. If you mean you hope to write a “mainstream” novel, NOT a genre/mystery novel, say that. But what the hell is a “fiction novel”? I almost said something here about a non-fiction memoir, but given the state of various things in the world, I know this construct does is iffy – as there do seem to be “fiction memoirs” (gross, shudder) but you know what I am saying here? Full length novels ARE fiction; fiction is a novel form. Period.

Of course there are also crime mystery thrillers, and thriller mysteries and all sorts of mish-mash, but that’s vaguely understandable. “Fiction novel” is not and I will not read another word that you write. So there. Hmph.


Check it AGAIN. Go back to your website in a month and test EVERYTHING again. I’m sorry. I know you’re busy. You’re writing, you’ve got galleys, you’ve got the kids to pick up. If you provide a link to a bookstore so I can buy your book and the bookstore no longer exists, or its changed its url, you might lose a sale.

Some of the errors I found were on web pages that authors did not design. Its APPALLING that they are actually PAYING for this unprofessional crap. If you are paying for it, CHECK IT AND IF IT sucks, DO SOMETHING. Ask for a refund, an immediate fix, point out that you know how to spell and that you DID spell your name correctly when you provided it to the web designer (trust me; I have had to do this repeatedly with a noted publication. They get my name right but over the years have gotten about 5 other names wrong, first and last, when I’ve sent in articles using the internet. Author names, publicist names, editor names.) I’ve seen the names of honored conference guests MANGLED on conference websites. NEVER ASSUME. Sad but you can’t assume. (when I screamed about it, the response was “a volunteer did that”. AHEM. I’ve been a volunteer since I was about 14 years old. DO NOT accept that as a plausible explanation. If the volunteer cannot use the internet to research an author’s name, he should be given a different job to do.)

And I’m a mean-spirited, bitch who, in one case, knows that I should tell the author but I’m really really really pissed off at the author and don’t want to bother. That’s mean as dirt, I know, but I got my reasons. In others, I just don’t have time, folks. I don’t have time to Google for every author website when as it turns out, the author has provided wrong or out-of-date information. It’s part of the old argument that will never be resolved – the one that says for some of us, carelessness with the little things hints at carelessness with the big stuff. If you can’t be bothered to spell correctly, if I have to fuss to understand what you are saying because you wrote “their” when you meant “there”, if you don’t think it’s important to get the details right, I might assume you can’t be bothered to get the book details right. And you’ll put a city in the wrong place. Forget a character’s name and call him something else. Just space out on a clue. I don’t have time for that either.

So like once a month, when you, I dunno, um change your calendar? Your water filter, your toothbrush? Start a new page in your journal? I don't care but ADD THIS. GO LOOK AT YOUR WEBSITE as if you were Mary Jane, New Fan and had just discovered, um, you. And read your website as if you had never seen it before. And then find your bestest friend who will be so sweet when she finds a mistake and ask her to read it too. It won't take that long.

And if you really want points, add to that list “tell Andi or Kate when the website address changes”. “Tell Andi or Kate when the website is taken down.” DO not tell Andi or Kate when there is new content as that’s not what we do, but tell us when you have a website, and when you don’t. We are your friends here – we are helping you, we are providing a great publicity opportunity. Don’t blow it.