Back in 1998, Marcia Muller published WHILE OTHER PEOPLE SLEEP, an intriguing as hell Sharon McCone novel about identity theft. In the book, McCone discovers that a woman claiming to be her is walking around San Francisco, using her business cards, claiming to be her, wrecking her reputation. Note the date, folks.

It was, I think, my first introduction to the concept of the all too familiar identity theft which we face daily. I don’t remember but at the time, I don’t think anyone had shredders in their home offices. I don’t think I new the word “phishing”. I don’t remember getting email from my bank or credit card company but now this is a daily event, an everyday bloody hassle from the scum of the internet.

Last week, the fabulous federal government provided us with a brochure giving tips on how to avoid identity theft. For CRISAKE WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

I mean, I know we’re talking bureaucracy and all that but it’s 2008 and we are getting a flyer from the Federal Trade Commission telling us something we have known FOR YEARS (ok most of us anyway) and it provides JACK SHIT in terms of new meaningful ways to fight identity theft. And I can’t help but wonder at the hours and hours and HOURS of time spent developing this brochure, discussing it, workshopping it, designing the graphics, arguing, sending it around, rrewriring it, whatever people in federal bureaucracies DO all to send out some WEENIE 3 fold brochure that explains how you should get your credit report, not give out personal information to strangers on the phone and what to do if you suspect fraud.

Now, yes, I know there are people to whom this will be new and they will be stunned by it. It bothers me to admit that, but it’s twoo, it’s twoo. I want people to be smarter and more aware and when something appears too good to be true, to know it is. Okay, I get that it isn’t always that way. But I still am bothered by the immense waste that this “project” represents when I am just so sure it could have been done better, sooner, smarter. I can’t get the damn door at my local post office automated, but hey, I now know that there is a website about ID theft at the FTC. I just wish I believed that they accomplished jack shit. I don’t.

I’d like to be wrong, but I can’t be swayed in my belief that this is too little too late. I mean my GODS, folks, is there anyone reading this who is not aware of the concept of identity theft and knows the basics about how to avoid getting conned? You’ve known for a while, right? You read, right?

I know – it could be worse. I mean think what the money could have been spent on. I mean Stu was getting letters for a while from Customs informing him that packages were being held up at the border. Yes, drugs coming in from other countries were being refused. We especially like when they said the drugs were not acceptable in the US and it was stuff like glucophage and glyburide, diabetes medications which of course you can get in the US. And I know that one department’s budget has little to do with another but it just strikes me that the FTC has better things to do that tell me what I already know. There just MUST be other ways to spend tax dollars than this pointless brochure.

And I’m pretty sure that there are a bunch of people sitting around right now thinking “Hey, job WELL DONE. Look what we did to inform the consumer”. And that really makes me sad.