I don't know what Robert Fulghum said in that book about what he learned in kindergarten. I've never read it and probably never will. But I know it was supposed to offer some basic rules for living that were based in what lessons were offered to us at the age of 5. I do know however, without having to read anything, that there are certain rules.

Some of the basic fundamental rules which cannot be broken no matter what, cannot be justified or made okay by excuses or other forms of justification include.

NO HITTING. Ever. No matter what (exceptions might be made in the bedroom with consent, yeah yeah but here we're talking basic behaviors you should use in dealing with the world, your friends, your family, strangers, those you love, those you've never met, those whom you just met. So let's skip the exceptions.

NO MEANS "NO" in the context of sexual behavior, a woman (r man, yes) who says "no" does not mean "yes, yes, I'm playing hard to get". it might be a rare truth, but operate from the majority opinion here, would you?
And let's tie in with that that
ANY WOMAN WHO STATES UNDER OATH THAT SHE WAS SEXUALLY HARASSED WAS Okay, folks we know there is the occasional wacko with a fuzzy sense of truth, but really honest? it's not fun being humiliated. It's not flattering for someone to come on to you in a sleazy, or in fact any kind of work environment where you might lose your job if you say no. Or being called names, or investigated and made to suffer additional humiliation say, when you have to say testify before a congressional committee.

NO LYING TO DUMP THE BLAME ON SOMEONE ELSE WHEN YOU FUCKED UP Here's a sign of being a grown-up. Understanding that taking the blame will not make you melt, that often folks will understand and that it's simply The Right Thing To Do.

SAYING "I'M SORRY" WILL NOT MAKE YOU MELT, OR OTHERWISE DIMINISH YOU. Apologizing when you have fucked up is again, right behavior and will male any number of situations better. Apologies might not be enough, but often, they are at least a start. You do not appear weak when you apologize. You appear to be a good person.

WHEN A BUNCH OF PEOPLE OFFER THE OPINION THAT WHAT YOU SAID WAS UNFUNNY, RUDE, NOT WELCOME EVEN IF YOU DON'T GET WHY, MAYBE YOU NEED TO ANALYZE YOUR IDEA OF HUMOR. i see this one too often. It's the one where he (and it's usually he) starts out by saying "what is it with you guys? Can't you take a joke?" and implies that your all humorless lesbians, frustrated spinsters, don't know what funny is or are otherwise lacking. Perhaps, just perhaps, it wasn't funny - or at least it wasn't funny to a whole lotta people. Maybe, just maybe, it is you.

In case you're wondering, all this comes from a) cleaning out eh button baskets recently and finding among others, my "I believe Anita Hill" button. Also from a long conversation about people who never get that it might be them (long story about the lawyer from hell. It was never him. It was those 7 legal secretaries he had over a 2-year period. Never him.) It also came from a situation in the life of someone who matters to me hugely. i realized that there is no give in me in certain situations and that this person was dealing with one of those and it got me thinking "what else is simply not okay?"

Okay, so which ones am I missing? You got any?