Today’s Seattle Times reports that Robert Soloway has been sentenced to just under four years in prison for being one of the worst spam purveyors in the world.

I don’t really think 47 months is right. Ever since I was in grad school studying criminal justice and sentencing theory (hey, it’s hot stuff) I’ve been on the side of lower sentences. However, this piece of work, who has been ordered to repay more than $708,000 owes me a piece of that. I have no idea if I’ll ever see a dime, but I really did file a claim against the man. May I tell you about it?

Starting in July, 2006 I received several spams that appeared to be coming from me. I know the drill. Now. And I did then. And I was so furious about this that I did more than the usual “delete the crap”. Why? Because I remember how often I used to send furious emails to innocent people whose email addresses had been stolen and used by a spam scum. And because I was chairing a mystery convention at the time and it mattered to me that people knew that we did not use their addresses to spam them. I felt like I had a reputation to protect, to some small degree. And because I went and looked at the link provided and it appeared to be from a Seattle-based company. And I was in the mood for a fight. (I have a better filter now, and report lots of what gets through to spamcop. And occasionally I send a really revolting nasty mean horrid snarky “fuck you” letter, especially to those spampukes who invoke Jesus or who claim to be dying.)

So I spent some time on the Washington State Attorney General’s website and found a way to report the spam, which as I recall, I did at least two different times. I got something like 7 or 8 spams from this spamturd, all offering to sell me lists of email addresses or to publicize my “business” or whatever. Given that he used a Seattle address – fake or not – made it Washington state business.

So I used the form on-line, cut and pasted the spam, sent in the complaint and htought nothing of it until several months ago when I received a communication from the US District Court or US District Attorney handling the case against Robert Soloway. I was informed of the trial dates, told of course I did not have to attend, but as a potential member of the bunch of people he scammed, I was entitled to know what was going on. And I was provided with contact information. I had no idea who Robert Soloway was, and then I figured it out, based on the communications and reading that they got my name from one of several sources – federal or state entities perhaps where I’d complained. Oh yeah right! See I didn’t have a copy of the complaint since I’d filed it using an on-line form and hadn’t thought to save it as a text in my computer. But they knew how to find me.

Since, what, March? I think, I’ve been kept apprised of the actions against Robert Soloway. Several weeks ago I received a packet which included a couple forms to fill out as a “victim” of this spammer. I could send in a witness statement and ask for damages, using a worksheet also provided. The big catch was that it could only be “real” damages, not punitive (which I would have set fairly high, though not ridiculously so). I couldn’t hit this guy up for how many hours I steamed and fumed, but only what he “cost” me.

That’s not a lot since I never contacted him so my email was intact, the LCC convention was over, I didn’t have a business that suffered loss or damage from having to cancel accounts, replace software, whatever. No one ever wrote to complain that I’d sent them spam, I’m relieved to say. I did, however, spend time figuring out who he was, how to report him and reporting him.

So I called Suzle to discuss what meeting planners earn (LCC is a volunteer-run convention, like most, so I didn’t know what my time was worth) and based on that conversation, I set a not very big amount, figure how many hours I spent dealing with and reporting this spamscum. And sent in the forms.

I have no idea if I’m one of 50 or 50,000. The newspaper stated that victims of this spampuke number in the “hundreds of millions – maybe billions” but who knows how many of them were in the pool. The guy claims he’s “deeply in debt” from both a ridiculous lifestyle and civil judgments against him which amount to $17 million (some punitive damages in there maybe? I don’t know if you can do that in civil cases.)

The judge noted that many of us who were victimized were simply just folks who got spammed and reported it. She had less sympathy for those whose major complaint was that Soloway didn’t send them his garbage software which was designed to make them into spam kings just like him.

But somewhere on the list of victims who are owed money, enshrined in a folder, because this spamwad broke the law is Andi Shechter, who wants $250. If I ever see it, it’ll be shared with a charity. And then maybe I’ll go buy some ice cream. Cross your fingers. Maybe we can all go out for ice cream!