I went out today to run errands and maybe spend some money. It feels sorta guilt-making to buy stuff especially after Stu and I went out this weekend to The great art/craft fair of the year and bought stuff (at least one gift) and then ate out at the very exciting Sushiland! I went out primarily to pick up that prescription and mail off those books (one sale, one swap) and hell, it wasn’t raining, do it now, right? But I brought with me the circular from the drug store that is hosting a “giving tree” thingy and thought I’d go see if they had anything that wasn’t a Nintendo/Xbox/remote control car. I tend to go for the girl toys as I suspect I would never get boy taste right, thought I’m a long long way from girl and have no idea what they like. Still, I sorted through the tags and found one that wasn’t a gift card. I think gift cards are great, don’t get me wrong – give a kid a gift card she can pick exactly what she wants but I figured well, folks with more money should buy those. So I grabbed the one that was for a 12 year old girl who wanted simply “jewelry”. How hard can that be? Okay, never mind, that’s a ridiculously dumb question since 12 year old girls want everything and it changes from week to week, doesn’t it? And I’m so far beyond 12 and I don’t have 12 year old kids, or grandkids or know a 12 year old girl. So duh. But I headed over to the discount store in the next block because I know they tend to have cheap jewelry on sale (I’ve gotten it for myself!) and figured someone would know.

So the clerk started helping me, and that was pretty good and then I said to a woman standing there “I don’t suppose you know what 12 year old girls like” and she said something like “I’m surrounded by them every day. Yaahoo!! An expert! “What do they like?” “Well, this week, it’s bandaids.” “Scuze me?” Apparently they’ve got stuff on ‘em and they’re cheap and you can change ‘em…oh dear. Well, I’m not buying bandaids. Besides, that’ll be old by Christmas. So I’ve got the bright jangly bangle bracelets which I think will do fine but then she hands me this box that has a necklace with 5 interchangeable stones. Lots of options there, huh? But then, ah, then she finds it. It’s a watch. Okay, not a huge deal but it’s a cute watch. But really? It’s a charm bracelet. It’s a silver tone bracelet with 6 or so silver charms on it in generic shapes like a moon, or a star, or a heart. The charms have words on them like “dream” and “love” and “hope” and there are a few beads there too. Ah. I’m a hit. She’s a hit. We’re brilliant. Back go the bracelets (oh but they were cute and purple!!!) but um, I already grabbed that necklace (er, um, it’s a monkey? And so cheap!) and see everything was 40% off. And the watch/bracelet had been marked down from $20 to $15. So it’s now $9. AND I remember the coupon that is only good through today. So it’s now under $8. And it comes in its own little gift box.

So back I troop to the drugstore with the giving tree thingy and make everyone there ooh and ah over it (because before I’d left we’d discussed 12 year old girls and we all agreed that yes, it would have helped if I knew if she had pierced ears, and one woman argued most girls do but oh, can you imagine? Opening a present you can’t wear/use? No, I couldn’t risk that.) and the clerk who’s helping me tells me of the time that she was living in North Dakota, a single mom with a daughter who was 11. And she had nothing. And how, on Christmas eve, there was a knock on the door and all these people poured in from every organization and made Christmas for them.

And that’s why I do it. Despite being up to my neck in credit card debt and on SSDI, an income that most folks could not live on ($13,000 a year, folks), why today I spent $8 on a kid I don’t know. Because, kids shouldn’t go without and they often do. Because they see all this crap on tv and want it. Because they see all this wealth and don’t understand. Because I fucking HATE Christmas and I HATE the season of shopping and I HATE goddam Christmas ads that begin 6, 7, 8 weeks out and I HATE the assumption that we’re all Christian and we all fucking LOVE red and green and oh, it’s not “Christmas” wrap it’s “holiday wrap” with red and green and snowflakes on it (even though millions of people who celebrate the Christian holiday are in SUMMER right now and don’t get SNOW) (goddam Currier and Ives anyway!) and people don’t get that I am not excited about THEIR holiday (why should I be? Do you celebrate Pesach? Okay, YOU do, but you’re my friends and some of you are Jewish and you are ever so much smarter than the average bears and think Passover is a cool holiday, which it is but you know what I mean, right?) and because the damn gift cost me the equivalent of 3 lattes, so there. And because, in the words of the late, great, Kurt Vonnegut?

“There’s only one rule that I know of, babies. God damn it, you’ve got to be kind.”