I once described figure skating season for me as "Shut UP, Dick!" season for the number of times I shouted that at the television. Dick Button is for me everything that is wrong with sports announcing. Blather rules. Dick used to work for ABC as I recall and in recent years, skating's been the province of cable channel ESPN and NBC. Oh goody. There's a new moron in town.

I just flat out hate when skating announcers "comment" (they probably say "commentate") during a skating performance. I've whine about this before. they do nothing to enhance the performance. If they comment on what we are seeing, they tell you the obvious. "She just fell". No REALLY? and instead of shutting the hell up (skating uses music. It would be right friendly to be able to HEAR to friggin' music) they talk. And talk. Through a substantial part of the performance. I mute them. I watch the skater in silence rather than listen because I can't friggin' hear the friggin' music. Sure there are fans who might need to hear "he just stepped out of that triple toe loop; that's gonna cost him." but I suspect most fans who watch this stuff know , can see when something has gone wrong. i still propose allow those of us who don't need a gude to just be able t track the music. Period.

The US Championships are on television this weekend. I caught yesterday's action and in a half hour will watch the rest of the competition. This is the event I attended over 10 years ago - one of my favorite weeks ever. It was held in San Jose and hometown boy Rudy Galindo shocked many by winning (i think of those who were surprised as the "fair weather" skate fans. Those who once every four years remember there's figure skating and latch onto whoever won the Olympics.) (Yes, I am a skating snob. And no, I never dug Michelle Kwan, go figure. But I'm a fan of ballet from as long as I can remember and um, er, I really dislike Balanchine. Go figure.)

I don't need Blather Boy telling me what he tells me. What he fails to tell me constantly is stuff that might inform me about the skating and the skater I'm watching. Who is his coach? Who did her choreography? What is this music and was it created for the skater?

i did hear a few mentions of music (I have a little list. It includes anything from Tosca, anything from Carmen and "Ave Maria".) but almost nothing about the skater's training, background or the above tidbits. What i did get yesterday, whilst watching some of the skating, included the following genius remarks.

"She's going to Princeton in the fall. She is smart."

"She's a competitor." And the rest of the women/men/couples on the ice are what exactly? They're at a national championship competition. They competed at the local and regional levels to get here. Are they not competitors? What the frack is that supposed to mean? And even if someone explained that to me, I would still find it specious, meaningless and shallow. OF COURSE SHE'S COMPETITOR, BLATHER BOY.

Upon ascertaining that Alissa Czisny had won, I got to hear "good things happen to good people." Now that really expands my understanding of the sport and her performances.

And my favorite, Blather Boy's "The best advice I ever got was 'skate the ice'."
What the fuck does that even MEAN????? He did not bother to explain. of course we got to hear all the applicable sports cliches they could cram in. And lots of Blather Boy getting excited. I. Do. Not. Give.A. Crap. that Scott Hamilton is excited. And i seriously have no idea what the hell that would mean to a skater. And i have followed this sport seriously for what, 20 years?

Scott Hamilton for some time was producing some deadly boring, stupid tiresome skating competition shows, as I recall. Before him, Dick was responsible for all the stupid skating shows. (i think Paul Wyle wanted to do this too. i wonder if he'd be any better at it.) Nowadays, we don't have "Ice Wars" or "US v 'the World'" or "Skate Wars" or whatever we used to get. Instead we get teeny rinks in Vegas where popular singers get up on stage over yonder and sing while skaters skate. (sorry folks, but Michael Buble is tired, 3 levels below average warmed over not very good Sinatra. You want Sinatra? Hire Harry Connick, Jr.)

Or worse, the skating and gymnastics spectacular events where yes, gymnasts do bar routines while skaters skate. Or something. I watched part of one once. I don't remember much. I think I blacked out.

Canada's Kurt Browning has a touch of Dick disease. He's decided that the triple axel jump (a tough jump, no question) is "the beast". So we get to hear it 15 times an hour. (ok or would if they would skip the profiles and show us 15 skaters)

Scotty-boy has become the new Dick. Oh. help.