When you take the prescription drug Oxycontin, you are required to get written prescriptions. You must go to your doctor's office for this. And lucky you, you can actually get three months worth at a time. The doctor is allowed to post-date the prescriptions, marking them "not to be filled before X date". But you have to go in person, four times a year and there are no faxes, no auto-refills.

I know Oxycontin is a controlled drug and i know it's an abused drug. This is no big news to anyone. It's still a royal pain in my already often aching ass to schlep to the doctor for this. I have a great doctor with an amazing office staff. The doctor is generous with her time, listens really well, cares about the patient and her support team is just excellent. She's treated me for years - since her partner in the practice went on to fulfill her destiny as a belly dancer. I shouldn't mock - I think it's terrific. But it's still somewhat of an interesting choice.

It's still somewhat odd to deal with filling prescriptions. Because a certain part of decongestants is necessary in the making of a highly illegal substance, it is now locked up in the pharmacy. And one is required to show ID to get it. And sign for it and one is limited in the amount one can buy, even if it's on sale and one is on a limited income. One has stopped taking this drug because one if sick of the hassle. I'm not making meth in my back yard, I have allergies. I understand the scourge that meth is, but the over-reaction that causes every legit user of pseudoephedrine to have to go through this CRAP is stupid. Badly written legislation, dumb hysterical thinking and reflects a rather annoying inability to see how this panicky behavior affects every one of us with hay fever. Allergies. Apparently I should be happy and the endless hassle, inconvenience and at being made to feel somewhat sleazy and evil for wanting allergy relief. And there you are, buying a box of 10 because you can't get 20 even if they're on SALE at the same price because you bought 10 the other day and that's it for the month. Trust me, I get it but why they can't work out a better way? I finally gave up buying the drug even though it was the only 24 hour decongestant.

So there I am with my prescription for The Real Serious Pain Drug. The drug that my doctor has warmed me to keep secure in the house. When she's given me the prescriptions, she's talked to me about not leaving them out, telling me stories about theft. We've talked about "I dropped them in the toilet again" (which yes can happen- i suggest you MOVE the damn pills) and other ways that people with addiction problems try to get more Oxy. And how tempting it can be for a perfectly average person to see a prescription for a drug that's very popular on the street and steal the little piece of paper.

A few weeks back, I was at the doctor's for my 3 month "pick up the prescriptions, how are you and oh, about that rash?" meeting with Dr. S. She comes in (late as always but you are warned about this from day one and she always, always gives you all the time you need) and I start, figuring it saves time to remind her/explain why I am there. And I say "Hi, I'm here for refills on the oxycontin. on and if you have time, ihavethisrash."

And Dr S looks at me and gives me this big smile and says "that's SO refreshing. I can't tell you how refreshing that is."

Huh?

And she says "It's so great that you tell me up front that's why you're here."

Huh?

"Wull, yuh, why else, i mean, like, um, what else would I say?"

And she explains to me that she has all these patients who are too timid, or embarrassed or uncomfortable or hesitant to talk about this. That they'll do 20 minutes of obfuscation and fum-faw around and as she's ready to leave the room will mutter "oh, and I need a refill on my oxycontin prescription". That they waste her time. Too embarrassed to tell their doctor that they need refills for medicine medicine she prescribes for their severe pain. Their own doctor. And she found it to be so great that I came to her saying "hi, give me my pain stuff please." Because no one else does so without hesitating.

We do this. We hide the stuff, not because we think someone going to walk off with it but because you're not supposed to see it. It's funny, I think of that often before a party or if we have guests over, as we don't have a medicine cabinet and have lots of stuff sitting on our bathroom shelves. Not the prescription stuff. I AM a klutz. I WOULD drop the bottle in the toilet. I CAN'T risk that. Besides, leaving pain stuff you take every 8 hours in the bathroom is stupid. It should be where you are. But it's somehow secret, private, considered borderline embarrassing or shameful to need or to be taking pain drugs.

So here it is. I'm on Oxycontin. I doubt this shocks or surprises anyone but since that day at the doctor's office, I've thought long and hard about the whole idea that patients themselves conceal the need for these medications and decided that "going public" is my way of counter acting that. I TAKE DRUGS! I take that pill everyone talks about for serious serious pain. I am not addicted. I need these pills. I will be on them, or something even stronger for the rest of my life. I'm used to that. If you are my friend, you should be used to that too. I hope it does not make you uncomfortable but I am not going to conceal my use of these medications I take for your sake. There is nothing to be ashamed about. I'm pretty sure you all realize that but it still seemed worth saying.