i probably will mess up, but let me try. I hope to offer my thanks to some people who really helped me through the past year. This isn't a list of all of you - I know I owe so many people for so much, but I really need to say some of this. I apologize for not naming at least 30 people (ok, like Roberta and Brad, Bonnie and Sandra and Nancy, Ruth and Ali, I really shouldn't have waited until Thursday night, when I was shaky and never as together as I had hoped, but it Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time and so forth, and so on.

If I don't mess up, believe me, this isn't me being coy and wanting to you say "oh no, really, you sound fine, really". There are times when that would feel really good and I bet I've done it more than once. This is must me, trying to focus and and say some things.

It's January 12, late at night. Tomorrow marks the first anniversary of my mother's death and I'm dreading the day like I have dreaded no other.

So here goes. And honestly, there's no order to this list. These are the starred names on a long list. When my sister called to tell me Mom was in the hospital ER and it did not look good, all I could do is ask "what can I do?" and of course, all I could do was wait. And during that hour, I sat here at the computer, scared, numb. Stu had headed out to a movie (using one of the plethora of passes we had). I was on Facebook and I saw in the "chat" list a long-time friend. And for that next hour, John Hedtke kept me breathing. I don't now what we said to each other. I just had someone to talk to, who knew me and could talk to me. And did. Not an easy job.

Once the call came, there was not much I could do until Stu got home. I had called his cell phone - turned off, of course, because he was going to the movies - and left a message to call me right away after the first call. After the second, I reiterated that he should call me right away. I figured he'd check and would call to let me know he was on his way home. Meanwhile, Facebook was there. As I recall, I posted something like "I could use my friends right about now". In seconds, another long-time friend, Janice, called. In no time, she asked what was wrong, what could she do and should she come over. I said, yes, please. Seconds later, as I went to turn on the outside light, the phone rang and Luke was on the phone, asking what was wrong and could he help. He talked to me until Janice knocked on my door.

Janice stayed with me, even when I said I was okay. She said she wasn't going to leave until Stu was home. She lives nearby and had still driven her car over so that she could go pick him up after the movie ended. When he called, I must have said something and then handed the phone to her. She had been with me for what, two hours? Listening to what? I have no idea. Grabbed her stuff, drove to Northgate, brought Stu home and took off. Absolutely amazing.

Getting back to Connecticut in January last year. You remember last winter in New England right? Ten feet of snow was it? We flew direct from Seattle to Boston and here is where two more amazing friends did amazing things. We landed at Logan and there was Cornelia - the woman I call my sister separated at birth (we were born a day apart. Ten years different but one day different. Cornelia was living in Exeter, New Hampshire. She had gone all over the place to rent a U-Haul and get a trailer hitch put on her car, drove down to Boston, met us. Stu and Cornelia put the wheelchair in the trailer and then she drove us to West Hartford (it wasn't snowing. Imagine!)

It's not over yet. We had a flight out of Logan on Friday. In talking to folks, it was suggested that we get the hell out of Dodg...West Hartford and be in Boston to fly out. The weather was holding, due to start snowing again late on Friday. Funny. The last time I tried flying out of Logan, there were no hotels. It's been a while. We were able to call and book a handicapped-accessible room at the Airport Hilton. But how to get to Boston? We had not figure this out. Cornelia was willing to come back for us but we wanted not to ask her. So back to Facebook, where we asked if anyone might be able to drive us to Boston. We'd pay. Maybe someone had a kid with a van who needed money?

That's when Leslie got in touch asking for specifics about the wheelchair. And while we were not sure - even after checking some on-line stuff (as I recall) Leslie risked driving down from the Boston area, picked us up and with help from a total stranger in the parking garage of Mom's condo, Stu and Leslie got the wheelchair on its side in her Subaru (right?) and drove us to the hotel. We checked in, went up to the room, called Alex (another old friend and my former housemate in Cambridge) who schlepped out to join us for dinner. At the airport's little Legal Seafood. We flew out the next day, just as snow was starting to fall.

Okay enough? Almost. I still need to name some names. To my terrific cousin Pat Stern, my mother's close friend from the day she was born. She's been so great, so wonderful. To my friends who came to the funeral, friends from high school. I didn't like West Hartford and left quickly, while many folks have stayed, liking it a lot, the seasons and the education system, the culture and the traditions. I am happy and grateful that I had gotten back in touch with a bunch of folks from school (2010 was a big reunion year). Some folks came by the house later, some had just attended the service. But to my amazing friend Richard, to Linda who I haven't seen in decades and might never connect with after all. To Laura, my childhood friend from the Blue Hills neighborhood where I grew up, who came when everyone had gone home so we really caught up. To Hollis, who made time for me and helped me a lot. And to two of my favorite people on the entire freakin' planet, Peg and Bill Cibes, here's where it gets maudlin folks, because I have run out of words. Bill is so wonderful. Bill and Peg were there at the funeral, at the house and later in the week. Every hour I spend with them is golden. I love them so much.

Finally to my family. My step-sister Jackie, my wonderful sweetie Stu and my amazing sister Patricia. Thank you for everything you did, everything you handled, everything you had to do and did beautifully and well.