And no, it's not old time rock n roll, sorry Bob Seger (though yours is a kickass tune and I like it)

Nice urban Jewish girls from Connecticut (hi there, Tom Rozum! Hartford native here) do not usually grow up listening to old-time music, country, bluegrass, or gospel. I sure didn't. We grew up lstening to music. I cannot imagine memories without the hifi. Classical music, show tunes, records by Nina Simone, Harry Belafonte, Sarah Vaughn, big band music, Ella Fitzgerald. Comedy albums by Bob Newhart, Danny Kaye, Allan Sherman. But banjos? Fiddles (violins sure, but fiddles?) No, I was not introduced to it as a child. I love the music I was raised with, so much that I still track down Belafonte albums when I realize I'm singing a song I knew from one of the Carnegie Hall concerts.

But I love bluegrass. I so love it. I'm guessing the first time I heard a banjo was at a Pete Seeger concert when I was a kid. I don't know what I knew of it otherwise. There is still much I do not love. (Stu and I referred to "whiny white gospel" as shorthandfor much of it.) But the harmonies, the musicianship, the melodies, the instruments work for me.

I was a bit, what, nervous? trepidatious (nice one, huh?) about going out last night. I am not doing well socially. Groups make me uncomfortable. But the chance to see two musicians I have listened to for almost, yeah, almost 40 years was just too tempting. And while I share their music with some of the best times in my life with Stu, that almost 40 year history goes back to when I lived in Oakland and Berkeley and long before Stu and I got together.

Laurie Lewis and Kathy Kallick are the best at what they do. They simply are. They respect the music, they write brilliant songs, they love reaching the harmonies. They are excellent instrumentalists and play with excellent instrumentalists (hi there again Tom).

At last night's concert featuring Laurie and Kathy, we learned that 2015 marks the 40th year that the two have been making music together. In those years they have headlined their own bands - still do - but often play together. This concert, celebrating their first duet album in a verrrry long time, celebrated two of the folks whom they cherish in bluegrass. In that regard, it was a little disappointing although I knew what I was getting into. But I'm a huge fan of their original music and hoped to hear a little more of the songs they'd written. I still found myself (mostly) relaxing, easing into the music. Knowing that it wasn't Stu's favorite (just as Celtic and pipes aren't on my list) but imagining him there, appreciating the harmonies and knowing I was having fun. That was hard. And it happened. More than once. Laurie and Tom played at our wedding in June of 2014; this was the first time, almost one year later, that I'd heard them. I'd missed at least two or three of Kathy's concerts in Seattle because of inaccessible venues.

Larry Verre brought me to the Red Vest Pizza Parlor in beautiful El Cerrito some time early after I moved to California, back in the mid 1970s. i feel like I heard these women perform hundreds of times. Okay, dozens? Laurie told me last night that she'd left that band (the Good Ol' Persons) in 1977, so how is it I remember hundreds (okay dozens) of performances? I just do. And I've followed each artist since then.

So it was what? The old Andi and the current one. The one who fell in love with hammered dulcimer (thank you Barbara Mendelsohn), bad jokes from Dorothy Baxter, great musicianship from Paul Shelasky and, well, and Kathy and Laurie.

I bring a soft toy with me wherever I go. At times it's probably too cute, but last night, it was essential to have someone/thing to clutch as I came close to tears, remembering. Remembering that the last time I heard Laurie and Tom, Stu was alive and very well. Remembering that it's coming up on six months that he's gone, and it continues to be a challenge and hardship to manage every damn day. It was also really annoying to come home very achy but that was inevitable. Jerry Kaufman came with me and managed to haul me around in the manual wheelchair. It's not meant for comfort and Suzle, Jerry and I had dinner pre-concert, so it was 4-5 hours. Ack.

This morning (okay um, pretty much this noon - resetting the alarm three times) I woke up apprehensive, knowing I'd still be achy. Wondering if I'd be sad. But in fact, I'm pretty much okay. Some of it was the music. Some of it was the kindness of the performers who know me, recognize me, stopped to talk with me. (oh the egoboo of it!) And it told me, that maybe, just maybe, I can knit myself back together somewhat.

I'm not religious or spiritual. I don't believe in an afterlife, the soul, the spirit. But whatever the music does to bring me peace and joy, it did. Laurie? I'm gonna start requesting "Baker's Flying Cloud Breakdown" at concerts from now on. Kathy? I hope I see you in November. Everyone? Thank you. You helped.