Yeah, it sounds dumb to me too, but I'm still very much in the "ya feel what ya feel, don't try to explain or make sense" stages. I probably will be there, in some way, for the rest of my life. What sets off a reaction - positive or negative - will change over time, even fade, but unless I stop living on this earth, I will have constant reminders of Stu and of our life and love.

It's hot in Seattle - for Seattle and in general. Not Tucson hot, not Phoenix hot, but climbing into the 80s and maybe the 90s. This is weird for us. The way you know it's not quite summer yet (it begins on July 5) is that the weather on July 4 is almost always gray, cloudy and overcast. I mean, come on. It's a sacred and hallowed tradition.

Last year at this time, when I left the apartment to go see Stu, I would always carry a frozen water bottle with me. The nursing facility had air conditioning but it was very poorly designed. The hallways were nice and cool. The air did not make 90 degree turns into the rooms. Stu's room was at the end of the hall. It was warm in there. We had a couple of fans going day and night and that helped. (The one he had is here in the living room, cooling me off as I write this.)

It was so hard dealng with the weather. He was not comfortable, and almost never bitched about it. The idea of the frozen water bottle was that I could use it to cool him down, then drink the melted stuff. On the back of his neck, his forehead, I'd get my hands cold and stroke him. Oooohhhhh, mannnnnn.
And now, I don't have to worry about him Now, it's not about going to see him on Thursday when the forecast is for a high of 89 degrees, or Sunday when it's predicted to be 92 degrees. Hot, for Seattle. And I know about trying to get comfortable. I'm coping, but I get to move around a lot and find more comfortable places, and positions. The builidng's community room is open 24 hours a day lately, and there are bottles of water and frozen fruit bar popsicle things in the freezer in the room. And there's air conditioning in that room, in the lobby, in the public areas - the hallways,even. I have choices, I can move around. And I still wake up every morning worried. Fretting. Wondering if I should go see Stu today, even if I hadn't planned to because it's so damned uncomfortable, I can help cool him down. Then I remember.