Yesterday, I found myelf wishing that I had planted a garden this year full of brussel sprouts, cauliflower, kohlrabi, turnips, lima beans, beets, cilantro and okra. (Never mind about the heat).

What I have sinstead is a garden full of chives, parsley, tomatoes, peas, lettuce, thyme, cucumbers, basil, with a few marigolds thrown in, and a nasturtium vine.

I don't like the first batch of veggies and herbs. More to the point, Stu did not like any of the items in the first paragraph. If he'd ever tried them. I had gotten him to eat cooked red cabbage when I found the right recipe. He developed quite a taste for herbs throughout our years together, because I love growing them. When we cooked together, he was usually "Seasoning Man" and often I'd go out and snip whatever he wanted from the garden.

Last summer's garden was my first successful venture in years. I grew this and that to see how well they did. One cucumber vine produced enough for one person. Ditto the peas. This was totally wonderful. Gardening is my therapy. By the time you count up the effort, it's probably at least as expensive as therapy. But you end up with tomatoes. And Thai basil.

The idea, when the season was over was that I now knew what to plant for us this coming year and oh, ripe fresh from the garden stuff. Oh gosh oh gee. That second paragraph? Stu loved that stuff and so did I. (We didn't eat the marigolds, which were planted for pest control.) But....

It's way difficult. It's one of the many small catch-my-breath things when I buy a Paul Robeson tomato at the farmer's market, or snip chives for something I'm eating. The sugar snap peas? I could live on those. I probably did for a few weeks there. And like everything else here, it was all planned and done with Stu in mind. Again with the guilt! Oy. But last night, eating that tomato with sliced up cuumber and tzatziki from the aret aross the street, so yummy. And yes I know he'd want me to enjoy them. But...

It's damn difficult.