I went to Worldcon.Yes, it was the right decision. Yes, it probably would have been wiser to stay longer, but I didn't. And no, I don't seegoing to Worldcon to figure in my future, at least not for a while.But thanks.

I not only have attended a few World Science Fiction conventions, I worked on them. Was on the committee for Noreascon 3. I learned a lot, enjoyed myself, made tons of friends, saw great stuff, bought great stuff, ate great stuff. The last Worldcon for me was Reno. I have little memory of it, Ihate to admit, but I know that I will try very very hard never to spend any time in a casino city again. I hated it very much. It was Stu's last appearance at a Worldcon and he was thrilled to be asked to give out a Hugo (I believe that Bob Silverberg and Stu were the only former winners to be so honored). I remember some very good mels with friends. I remember some awful tantrums that I had regarding transportation and access and elevators and constant noise. Sorry, but it happened four years ago and I've had distractions since. Stu and I did not get to go to a lot of the Worldcons we wanted to go to; he especially missed fandom but we were so often too underfunded to go. I think before Reno we were last there in 1996.

Getting to Spokane from Seattle is stunningly difficult. There are several options, sure but for me, almost all of them were daunting, bordering on exhausting and ridiculous. I spent weeks checking into options, and more weeks trying to decide if I had the physical and emotional stamina to go. The jury is still out on this.

Yes, I am glad I went because not going would have been pretty sucky. I most definitely would have been okay. I went, in large part, for Stu. This was the Worldcon in Washington state, one that I know we expected to attend. This was his family reunion in many ways. He was a center of our culture and community, an award winner, a prized friend, a great dinner companion, a fantastic artist jam participant, a fine panelist, an excellent moderator and someone you wanted to spend time with. Losing Stu was a shock to so many people, so many of you, of us, who loved him and love me. And next year? It is simply too far in the future for me to ponder.

There was not enough time in many ways that matter. Not enough time to talk with people, find people I wanted to meet or see or hang out with. Not enough time just to anticipate serendipity, though some of that existed. Not enough time for programs that I was on. Both of them, including a group of friends remembering Stu Shiffman really should have been at least another hour long.

It's Wednesday afternoon, Sasquan has been over for a few days, I've been home for a few days and I am completely fried. I am still exhausted, weary tired, worn out and hurty. But I'm not done talking! More to come. All those names to drop! Thanks to offer! Later, okay?