It's official. The FCC will fully investigate the conspiracy behind the tempest in a C-cup. Calling on the vast resources of the federal government, America will have answers it needs as to whether:
1) Wardrobe malfunction is a growing plague upon over-produced extravaganzas.
2) Justin really could have been as awkward and clueless as he appeared.
3) Janet regularly girds herself with nipple plates.
Here MTV was trying to do a nice thing by giving a stage full of yesterday's news a highly rated national television forum and in exchange they get crotch grabbing, dry humping, hip grinding, flag-cape wearing and boob baring. To expect such a thing from MTV, I'm shocked, simply shocked.
It's all fun and games until somebody pokes an eye out.
Imagine the reaction of the advertisers -- paying millions to showcase flatulence, beastiality, penis chomping dogs and two flavors of male impotence drug -- to this tawdry, low-class stunt.
And the NFL -- with a glorious history of celebrating the female mind dating back to the original Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders right up to the stripper-without-poles dance teams of today -- how can they allow their product to be denigrated in this way? The pasties are tasteful in "their" calendars.
It's no wonder the government watch dogs are jumping on it. Peace, prosperity and the American way depend the appropriate regulation of dumb ass publicity gimmicks. This may be the biggest threat to national security since Oval Office fellatio.
There's also a story this weekend about a call for some kind of investigation on that weapons of mass destruction thing.
At least we've got our priorities straight.