I'm having trouble buttoning my fat jeans. As has become vogue over the last several administrations, I'm blaming the New York Times.
Several weeks ago, I responded to direct mail piece offering home delivery of The Times. Having been sucked in by a similar promise by the Wall Street Journal when I first moved to this island several years ago, I called the 800-number and asked if they meant the paper would arrive on my lawn the same day it was printed. The operator, apparently noticing the call was from Georgia, immediately started speaking slower and more distinctly explaining the basic concepts of news delevery.
I mustered my best Yankee attitude and explained that I understood the role of a paper boy, but that because we are between metro areas at the end of either distribution chain, other national papers choose to deliver by mail.. the equivalent of getting a day old doughnut at lunch time every day.
No, she promised, the Times did things right. My mind danced with the possibility. There is no local television here. The majority of local radio stations are co-owned and share the same taped news/ weather reports that are often repeated verbatim for days, the local daily covers high school sports very well. This is the place for a media junkie in recovery.
When we took our recent trip to New York, the anticipation factor was huge. I'd be coming home to The Times on my lawn. Because I would return healthy and ready to get back to work, I would take said Times to my neglected gym and stay on the treadmill until I read the whole thing each morning.
Those of you who like to exercise may not understand that it's necessary for some of us to trick ourselves. With my mind thus occupied by the paper, my legs can take care of the necessary details. Let my mind wander and I am out of there.
I returned from the trip ready for the new regime in all aspects except the Times delivery. When I called they said delivery would start the following Sunday, which everyone knows is a sipping tea all morning kind of paper, not a treadmill paper. Lifting the Sunday Times is enough cardio vascular work.
Monday dawned with my gym bag packed and no paper. The same for the rest of the week. They returned my call on Friday and discovered the order was entered as Sunday only. We had the discussion about whether the paper would arrive the day it was printed again and this time the operator said she wasn't sure.
I got up early this morning to scoop up my Times and head to the gym. I have only the best of intentions. If only the Times would deliver their end of the bargain.