We accept that it is hard to sell a house over the bleariest days of the winter season, but we're pulling out all the stops.
With margaritas raised in silent tribute, we sunk a saint in our front lawn yesterday, upside down and facing the house as required by all the experts in saint planting.
We purchased the small plastic figure for $1.50 at a bascillica gift shop in Western New York and brought him home for his inverted interment.
For $10 we could have gotten the whole "Home Selling Kit" including the appropriate prayers to read and a lovely printed box of genuine cardboard fibers, but we decided to pull the prayers off the 'Net.
Apparently this is a regular cost-saving measure these days for the pious. Several saint-related sites report house sale saint prayers are their most popular request.
But it's not exactly a level playing field anymore with Christopher and Patrick being de-sainted. They were huge when I was a kid. Patrick still has his holiday, but Christopher been pretty much reduced to selling medals on Ebay.
The saint de riguer for the home sale process is Joseph. While it may seem a little strange to some to call on the foster father of Jesus for assistance with a real estate transaction, I've had several friends who swear by the process. He's apparently an ecumenical guy, having "worked" for Lutherans, Southern Baptists and Methodists in our acquaintance. I respect that.
We're going out of town to honor St. Valentine with live music and champagne in Atlanta tonight, but we're trusting Joseph to keep things moving along in our absence. I've been buying his aspirin for years and I have a very good feeling about this.