Buffalo Gal

My bags are packed and ready to be unpacked and unpacked again and again by strangers.
I am going to Houston from Brunswick (via Atlanta) in the morning, Houston to Los Angeles (via Denver) on Sunday, and LA to Jacksonville (via DFW) on Wednesday. Booking three one-way fares on three different airlines cut the trip cost by more than half... and likely quintupled the security search and frustration factor.
Don't be surprised if you see my face on a post office flyer by Thursday. I promise I won't do or say anything untoward, but my itinerary is going to make me one shady lady.
I'm a precise match for the profile of US-born, middle-aged, women who wear scarves and accesorize well. I've heard they call us the Talbots-ban and have informants in several of our book clubs.
I try to comply. I've purged my bags of anything sharp, blunt or interesting. All undergarments are virtually new. All pockets pulled out to save the trouble.
I'd made the mistake on a previous one-way ticket of bringing an entire make-up bag and stood at the security table by the gate demonstrating the viability of each item long after the second last passenger had boarded.
Not this time. I've edited my carry-on down to the basics including a non-metal lipstick tube, one plastic eyeliner, lip gloss and one mascara tube. I may look like crap the entire trip, but at least I'll get to board before they start moving the stairs away from the plane.
My travel shoes do not have metal insteps and I've been practicing saying "Yes Sir/Mam" in the mirror and not giggling nervously during spread eagle wand searches.
I will demonstrate the function of my laptop to complete strangers more in the next six days than the average computer salesman.
A word to the uninitated, never let your battery drain before you go through security. Having to plug a non-functioning computer into a standard electrical outlet apparently creates a high security condition. The last time I did it, they couldn't tell us where Cheney was for a week.
My wallet is parsed to the bare essentials. I'm leaving my Talbots card home.

Copyright 2004 Judi Griggs

Buffalo Gal Judi Griggs I'm a communications professional, writer, cynic, mother, wife and royal pain. The order depends on the day. I returned to my hometown in November 2004 after a couple of decades of heat and hurricanes. I can polish pristine copy, but not here. This is my morning exercise -- 20-minute takes without a net or spellcheck. It's easier than sit ups for me. No guarantee what it will be for you. Clicking on the subscribe link will send you an email notice when each new entry is posted.
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Previous Entry :: Next Entry Read/Post Comments (0) Share on Facebook		2004-03-04 5:24 PM One way shady lady My bags are packed and ready to be unpacked and unpacked again and again by strangers. I am going to Houston from Brunswick (via Atlanta) in the morning, Houston to Los Angeles (via Denver) on Sunday, and LA to Jacksonville (via DFW) on Wednesday. Booking three one-way fares on three different airlines cut the trip cost by more than half... and likely quintupled the security search and frustration factor. Don't be surprised if you see my face on a post office flyer by Thursday. I promise I won't do or say anything untoward, but my itinerary is going to make me one shady lady. I'm a precise match for the profile of US-born, middle-aged, women who wear scarves and accesorize well. I've heard they call us the Talbots-ban and have informants in several of our book clubs. I try to comply. I've purged my bags of anything sharp, blunt or interesting. All undergarments are virtually new. All pockets pulled out to save the trouble. I'd made the mistake on a previous one-way ticket of bringing an entire make-up bag and stood at the security table by the gate demonstrating the viability of each item long after the second last passenger had boarded. Not this time. I've edited my carry-on down to the basics including a non-metal lipstick tube, one plastic eyeliner, lip gloss and one mascara tube. I may look like crap the entire trip, but at least I'll get to board before they start moving the stairs away from the plane. My travel shoes do not have metal insteps and I've been practicing saying "Yes Sir/Mam" in the mirror and not giggling nervously during spread eagle wand searches. I will demonstrate the function of my laptop to complete strangers more in the next six days than the average computer salesman. A word to the uninitated, never let your battery drain before you go through security. Having to plug a non-functioning computer into a standard electrical outlet apparently creates a high security condition. The last time I did it, they couldn't tell us where Cheney was for a week. My wallet is parsed to the bare essentials. I'm leaving my Talbots card home. Copyright 2004 Judi Griggs Read/Post Comments (0) Previous Entry :: Next Entry Back to Top