Buffalo Gal

As I got on the plane yesterday in San Diego, two signs flanked the entrance. One warned me of the cancer and reproductive risks that could be aboard through exposure to one or more of 1,000 hazardous chemicals and the other warned of the dangers of drinking liquor, beer, wine and wine coolers.
Within minutes of reading this warning I'm going to be moving at hundreds of miles per hour at 30,000 feet with several dozen strangers in an aerodynamic bucket driven by a young enough to have dated my daughter -- why do they feel the need to warn me about invisible carconogens? Do people really make a informed choice to continue as they pass that threshold? Have you ever seen someone stop, read the sign and turn back?
If this is about truth in labelling there are a few more signs I'd like to see:
WARNING: The man next to you who is actually sitting across two seats including yours may have had bean burritos for breakfast. Some settling of contents may occur inflight.
WARNING: You only think your luggage is coming with you. In reality, it's a coin flip.
WARNING: There are X number babies and X number puppies on this flight. Their owners think everything they do is cute. You had better think so too.
WARNING: Our flight staff is here first for your safety and second to flirt outrageously with potential dates. You are inconsequential. Get over it.
WARNING: Children on third world airlines are starving. Be grateful for your bag of pretzels and shut up about the good old days of airline food. Before you wanted quality, now you want quantity. There is no satisfying you people.
WARNING: That air conditioning vent above our seat is connected to nothing. It is there to keep you occupied and us amused.
WARNING: That mileage program we used to sucker you into choosing this flight today can be downgraded and/or devalued at any moment without notice.
WARNING: Our gate crews may or may not be taking side bets on whether it's humanly possible to make your flight connection. They can look confused and misdirect you, but may not ay any time actually trip you.
I could go on, but I have to call American again to find out if any more of our luggage has been located.

Copyright 2004 Judi Griggs

Buffalo Gal Judi Griggs I'm a communications professional, writer, cynic, mother, wife and royal pain. The order depends on the day. I returned to my hometown in November 2004 after a couple of decades of heat and hurricanes. I can polish pristine copy, but not here. This is my morning exercise -- 20-minute takes without a net or spellcheck. It's easier than sit ups for me. No guarantee what it will be for you. Clicking on the subscribe link will send you an email notice when each new entry is posted.
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Previous Entry :: Next Entry Read/Post Comments (0) Share on Facebook		2004-05-24 10:52 AM (F)Air warnings As I got on the plane yesterday in San Diego, two signs flanked the entrance. One warned me of the cancer and reproductive risks that could be aboard through exposure to one or more of 1,000 hazardous chemicals and the other warned of the dangers of drinking liquor, beer, wine and wine coolers. Within minutes of reading this warning I'm going to be moving at hundreds of miles per hour at 30,000 feet with several dozen strangers in an aerodynamic bucket driven by a young enough to have dated my daughter -- why do they feel the need to warn me about invisible carconogens? Do people really make a informed choice to continue as they pass that threshold? Have you ever seen someone stop, read the sign and turn back? If this is about truth in labelling there are a few more signs I'd like to see: WARNING: The man next to you who is actually sitting across two seats including yours may have had bean burritos for breakfast. Some settling of contents may occur inflight. WARNING: You only think your luggage is coming with you. In reality, it's a coin flip. WARNING: There are X number babies and X number puppies on this flight. Their owners think everything they do is cute. You had better think so too. WARNING: Our flight staff is here first for your safety and second to flirt outrageously with potential dates. You are inconsequential. Get over it. WARNING: Children on third world airlines are starving. Be grateful for your bag of pretzels and shut up about the good old days of airline food. Before you wanted quality, now you want quantity. There is no satisfying you people. WARNING: That air conditioning vent above our seat is connected to nothing. It is there to keep you occupied and us amused. WARNING: That mileage program we used to sucker you into choosing this flight today can be downgraded and/or devalued at any moment without notice. WARNING: Our gate crews may or may not be taking side bets on whether it's humanly possible to make your flight connection. They can look confused and misdirect you, but may not ay any time actually trip you. I could go on, but I have to call American again to find out if any more of our luggage has been located. Copyright 2004 Judi Griggs Read/Post Comments (0) Previous Entry :: Next Entry Back to Top