Some things are forever, but with the exception of death we don't get to find out in advance which will fall in that category.
I'm not sure that anything is always. Some people and things are mighty dependable, but no one is infallible (sorry, Pope).
Both of my daughters are in long-term relationships and talk of marriage is moving out of the abstract into a loose set of plans.
There is so much I want to tell them. If we based it on track record, I wouldn't have much of a pulpit. I was a very bad beginner at marriage.
But if experience is education, I have a few things to unload.
First and foremost. If he is your everything, you leave yourself with nothing. If you can't lavish love on your family and friends as you do him - run.
The first day that he raises a hand to you, mark it in indelible ink as the last day of that relationship. There are no exceptions.
However,if there is a conflict between your husband and your family/ friends - make sure you have an excellent reason if you don't line up strongly in his corner.
Understand that there are going to be days that you really don't like the man, and don't be startled when he feels the same about you.
There's no fairy dust involved in the marriage ceremony that tunnels your vision and allows you to see only him. You'll see others and at times they are bound to look so much better than the man who leaves the mail unopened for days in little mounds on any available flat surface in your house. No harm in looking, but any more is breaking a promise that is nearly impossible to repair.
Laughter and passion are easy now. Later they will require work. But it is an essential investment that will pay off better than any portfolio.
It's natural to laugh when things are good. It's a gift to laugh together when they are not.
Work at it ever day, not like a crossword puzzle that you can put down when it gets tough, but the best and worst around-the-clock job going.
His quirks, slights and missteps are not going to change. It is not your job to try to change them. Learning to forgive is hard. Learning to forget is damn near impossible. But it's the only way things work.
If anyone keeps score, everyone loses. If you can't start with a clean slate each morning, accept you're at the beginning of the end.
You can't fix him. You can fix yourself. You can get help if you have trouble doing it together. Counseling is not a sign of weakness, but of strength.
My grandfather used to press his fingertips together to form a peak, a silent reminder that those under your roof are your first priority. Understand the actual importance of issues that don't invade that space.
And finally, find a way to celebrate every day. The big things that happen outside your home are not nearly as important as the little things inside.

Copyright 2006 Judi Griggs