Smoking Obama: What a drag
By KATE MURPHY

My crush is over. No more dreamily scribbling Barack Obama's name over and over in my notebook. My infatuation lasted a few weeks as he purred about new beginnings and an end to my frustrations. Handsome, humble,intelligent and sincere; he was different from those who came before. Hunky Obama didn't seem conceited about his good looks like John Edwards. He wasn't oppressively alpha like John McCain or a total dork
like Al Gore. And none of that John Kerryesque ick factor.

But alas, my dreamboat has sunk. Obama smokes cigarettes. He says he's going to quit, but that's not good enough. It's a deal breaker, Barack, baby. Go hang with Chad. I don't date smokers, and I won't vote for one either. As I tell friends who try to set me up with smokers, it's not just that smoking is a disgusting and dirty habit. It's not just that
it stains teeth and the smell clings to hair and clothes. It's indicative of a mind-set. Anyone who smokes despite its health ramifications either has delusions of
invulnerability, a self-destructive streak, is in denial or is willfully ignorant. Not the kind of guy you want to go out with much less the kind of guy you want running the free world.

To his credit, Obama frankly admits his vice. He's says he's tried to quit before but "the flesh is weak." Many pundits say it humanizes him. You can't relate to anyone who's too perfect, they say. It might help with the NASCAR vote that is if Obama doesn't smoke sissy menthols or lights. There are also those who argue smoking gives Obama's voice its
smoky, warm tone — the timbre that makes audiences and the press corps swoon. Stick a scope down Barack's lovely latte-colored throat and you'll see that his distinctive sound comes from corroded vocal chords, thickened and dried out from smoking and ripe for a cancerous tumor.

And think about summits with other world leaders. Will a President Obama need to excuse himself in the middle of tense negotiations to go outside and take a few drags?

And what about the health of the Secret Service contingent who undoubtedly will have to accompany him on his smoking breaks? They'll have to suffer his second-hand smoke.

When Obama returns to the table, I imagine the other premiers, presidents and prime ministers crinkling their noses at the lingering stench from Obama's cigs. No breath mint is "curiously strong" enough to hide that telltale stink.

Plus, it's irrefutable that habitual smokers are at greatly increased risk of disability and death. If he continues to smoke, Obama's days are numbered. It's only a matter of time before he is felled by a stroke or cancer, not to mention the fact that he's subject to all sorts of vascular and respiratory ailments. As a populace, we'd know our president's assassin was always in the room with him, in the guise of a pack of cigarettes. He could be killed or incapacitated at any moment. Compared to cigarettes, terrorists pose far less a threat.

Sure, smoking is a hard habit to kick. But with the proper motivation and a raft of nicotine patches, don't tell me Obama couldn't do it. My father quit cold turkey when I was eight because I told him I was afraid he'd die on me. Give it up Barack, baby, and maybe we can rekindle what we once had. Light my fire, not another cigarette.

Murphy is a Houston-based writer and cancer survivor.
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