(in the car driving to the dentist)
M: I don’t want to go. I passed out once in a dentist’s chair back in the war.
K: Your teeth need to be cleaned and checked. Didn’t you say it’s been over 10 years?
M: I brush my teeth 3 times a day and they’re fine. (mumbling) No telling how much this will cost.
K: Mother, we really need to go do this.

D: Good morning, it’s good to see you.
M: See me? K, doesn’t he have a nice tie on? (Sitting in his office talking with him)
K: Yes, M, he does.
D: (looking slightly confused) First, tell me what you’re wanting for your mouth.
M: Wanting for my mouth? I don’t want anything for my mouth, my mouth is fine.
K: Well, we’d like to focus on “clean and healthy,” she’s not interested in the cosmetic effect.
M: Who do I have to look beautiful for? My teeth are fine (suspiciously surveying his office.)
D: Well, let’s go have a look.

(I’ll skip the experience of me taking her walker and her sitting in the dental chair and promptly being laid back in a position that to her felt upside down ~ you don’t want to know)

M: (yelling) KKK!
K: (running into the exam room) What?! I’m right here.
M: K!! Did you know I have artificial teeth? (looking at me trying to point to a gaping empty space in her mouth)
D: (struggling to keep working) Now, now, I really need us to be as still as possible.
M: Artificial teeth! O my goodness. Did you know this?
K: Yes, M, that’s one of the reasons we’re here ~ to have that bridge checked.
D: She’s really lucky, it’s so loose she could have swallowed it.
M: WHAT?! Swallowed my artificial teeth?! (gripping my hand with life force)
K: It’s okay, M, they are going to glue them in so they won’t come loose again.
M: Glue?! In my mouth?! (struggling to get out of her upside down feeling position)
K: It’s really okay but you need to be as still as you can.
D: We’ve about finished cleaning and checking and (looking at me) her teeth are in wonderful shape.
M: (very quietly) I told you so.
K: Okay, well, I just feel better now that we know.

Checking out:
M: (loudly) What do you mean Medicare doesn’t pay for the dentist?!!
K: It’s okay, mom. I wrote the check ~ it’s all taken care of.
M: (mumbling again)

(leaving in the car)
M: Was he good-looking?
K: Well, yes he was but M, you saw him.
M: I wish I could have seen him but he kept his face right in mine the whole time (surveying the strange neighborhood we’re driving through)
K: You talked to him in his office when we first got there.
M: I don’t remember that. Are you sure? Well, he looked okay upside down.