Numpty is a good old scottish word meaning 'a fool or idiot'.

Let's start with 'numpty'. What a 5 star word this is. Doesn't it just convey exactly the right sense of someone who behaves foolishly? I include myself in the collection of numpties that I know, forever doing things which deserve the description. In my defence I can only offer advancing senility and usually the best of intentions. I should be old enough to know better, but perhaps age is simply the thing one reacts against instinctively, therefore deserving the appellation numpty?

These somewhat philosophical thoughts are prompted by my having been diverted for the last few days in writing a short story for a competition. Sure, the story, once started, virtually wrote itself. 3,000 words in a single afternoon, but then four whole days messing around with it and it is still sitting on the computer waiting to be printed off and sent away. It turned out to be a sort of medaeval ghost story, with a twist, but to appreciate where it is, the reader would need to know a particular bit of history quite well. Which they won't of course, so the idea of putting it into a competition is as numpty as one can get without actually sitting down and doing basketwork.

The competition is a 'blind' one, so theoretically even a complete numpty stands a chance of winning it, even me. I'm strongly tempted to do a couple more stories of quite differing styles and send those off too. I will see whether inspiration strikes.

The really numpty thing about all this is that entering the competition at all is a numpty thing to do. I've made it a life long principle not to compete unless I was sure I could win, so why start now? Competition is the root of much foolishness in the world, encouraging folks to do things which normal sane people regard as completely daft. The prize in this particular competition is a sum of money which I would probably spend on something completely numpty and two days in London. Personally I can't think of anything worse than spending two days in London, except perhaps three days in London or even four. It is noisy, dirty, uncomfortable, populated now almost entirely by unfriendly foreigners, politicians, and dysfunctional Royals. It has a traffic problem which will only be solved by a low yield thermonuclear device, but in the absence of one, it has congested streets, the worlds most expensive taxis and hotels and a subway system which is dirty, unsafe and spasmodic. In short it is a city to avoid like the plague, which is what will probably solve most of its problems some day. The late Dr.Johnson opined that 'he who was tired of London was tired of life', but that was 250 odd years ago. If he were alive today he would probably get mugged on the way to his coffee house.

Well at least I can look forward to not winning the competition and get back to finishing off my convoluted detective story sometime soon.