last night after watching a few of my favorite shows (till death and omg, kitchen nightmares...can you believe that sebastian guy? chef ramsey should have punched his lights out!) i ran out of things to watch. so i start flipping through the few channels i have.

i paused for a minute on the cma's. i hate country music. we used to always tease z that if we ever heard country music coming from his room, we'd ground him. unfortunately, i associate country music with the narrow minded people where i grew up. we had more country music bars in our town than anything else. my best friend is a country music lover and she is now the most racist person i've ever known.

we always took several trips a year between ft. smith and okla city, and on every trip, all three hours of driving, each way, my parents played country freakin music.

i have to admit, i do like some of the older stuff, george jones, bosephesis's dad (lol) and a little david allen cole...but for the most part, i think country music is whiny, oh poor pitiful me shit. its for the terminally depressed.

but last night, as i flipped through the channels, i came across lee anne rhimes. (man, has SHE grown up!) she was talking about one of her "country" heroes. i knew exactly who she was talking about, and as she began to sing, REBA comes in from the wings.

i like reba, always have. reba comes from the land of my people! an oklahoma girl who made good. (actually, carrie underwood is from okla...all one has to do is read the huge road signs they've posted around her town!"home of american idol, carrie underwood")

i've always liked reba tho. i find comfort in her okla accent (which, if you put me in a room with okies, THATS what i sound like). i watched her sit-com every day. and quite frankly, her new cd of duets, i will be buying. it will be the only country cd i own.

but their song spoke to me, more than can be imagined. and next thing i know, i'm sitting in the living room by myself, crying buckets of tears. (see? country music is depressing!)

so once again, i start flipping channels. i land on pbs. and they are doing a retrospective of lucille ball. OMG, i love LUCY! when my oldest sister and i get together, it's "that reminds me of 'this' lucy episode" there's not a time in my life i can't relate to lucy. as i was watching, they would show clips and i couldn't help but laugh (and i admit it, i clapped...lucy is tha bomb diggity). it's freakin LUCY! and even tho they were all reruns, made before i was even born, lucy was so much a part of my life. and she never fails to bring a smile to my face. "lucy, you got some 'splainin' to do"

so i sit through the whole show (which, sadly, ends in kind of a depressing way) but i sit and wait to see what comes on next.

i'd always heard of studs terkel, but i didn't exactly know what he did. the interview with him, done back in about 2002, was more than enlightening.

studs terkel was from a "working class" family in chicago (which he explained is now called "middle class" because we have sanitized our vocabulary). and as i listened to what he said, light bulbs went off in my head.

and i think, i've always been interested in the lives of the "little people" people who you would never in a million years hear from. i've always written my little "slice of life" stories. the ones that never have a plot, but just highlight everyday folks...one of my favorite pbs shows was three guys who traveled around the u.s. visiting "roadside attractions" and those "little" people who practiced "outsider art"

i remember telling julie (la vagabond...one of my personal heroes...yes you are, julie!) that one of my dreams was to travel the u.s. gathering stories of everyday folks. i remember being irked because the guy who plays earl in "my name is earl" has a book coming out where he did just that. he traveled the u.s. talking to everyday folk...and i'm thinking, that was my freakin' idea.

and so now, after the interview i saw with studs terkel, where he had a show in the dawning of the t.v. era where he did nothing but talk to the "every man (and woman)" the "working class" i'm thinking, maybe, just maybe all this is happening to me because this is a sign. a sign for me to follow my dreams. my dear (dear) friend in alaska tells me the other day that i will do so much better things now, that basically, i will be able to spread my wings like never before. and even, even the iceback says i'll do so much more, so much better, without him. and then, there is dear netter, who a few weeks ago sent me a link to a "travel" type of site and said, "this sounds like you." and you know what? it is me. i've taken you guys through moffit, okla, indian territory and "hell on the border"

so if indeed, i am blessed with the gift of my grandmother's car, i will do what i think i'm supposed to do. all the years of writing, all the years of listening to everyone's story no matter how important, or non-important in the whole scheme of things, all those years will not be for naught.

recently, i wasn't sure what my plan was, what i was supposed to do, how i would make my way in the world. i knew in my heart, i would do something great, i just wasn't sure how.

now i am!

thanks to all my peeps!