me? i spent the day cursing the existence of vh1 and their modelthon. i didn't watch any of the american's next top models when they were on before, and for some reason, i'm enthralled and i can't pull myself away.

i also spent more than a few hours in a 24 hour period chowing down on one of my favs, spinach dip. i find it's a great substitute for mayo (which, honestly, i usually use the lower cal spicy brown mustard instead)on turkey sandwiches. yummm, but not really good.

so i'm trying to get back to my "pre-separation" diet, with lots of fresh spinach, tomatoes and not a lot of bread. very hard, because i am one of those emotional/bored eaters. even tho my clothes are still fitting (not quite the way i'd like them to)i'm feeling "fat and bloated"

but on to other things (this is one of my infamous, all-in-one posts, cause you know, i'm lazy...apparently)

i've been feeling a bit sad and depressed the last two days. i think part of it is a certain sadness over putting the past life (one of what? three) behind me. the last two years have been the worst of my life in a long, long time, and i'm having problems coming to grips with what i envisioned, five years ago, my life would be today compared to where it is... decades away from what i thought it would be. and kind of a hard pill to swallow (and let's not even touch the release of "trust issues" part of that equation)

and i'm not feeling the inspiration, "the life" (as according to my journal title i'm living the best i can, but at the moment not so much) it's all right. i will be all right, i usually am.

so switching again (which will lead me back to the previous topic)...other than "the early bird special at any given restaurant" the only other place with more old people in florida....is the pharmacy. oye vey! can people move any slower. here more than ever is a test of my patience (or impatience, as it may be) i went to get the boy his allergy medicine and what should have taken me only fifteen minutes took twice as long.

lord help me.

and dang, it was COLD here today. i mean the wind cut through you like a stinking, steel knife. i actually had to don a fleece!

but on my way home, as i was thinking of some shots i'd like to take, i notice a street (well, several) that lead straight to the river. if you drove them without stopping, you'd sink in the murky waters of st. john's river. but the amazing thing is the old brick streets that are still in place and they run all the way to the water's edge. OMG, what a shot!

tomorrow, even tho one lady told me it would still be as cold as it was today, i'm hoping for some big fluffy southern clouds. then i will make my way to the park down the road, and to the palm lined streets that lead to the river's edge.

i think my new year's resolution will be...GET OUT OF THE DAMN HOUSE EVERYDAY! this is indeed a difficult task for me because of my crohn's. because of that, i always feel like a kind of prisoner in my own home. but when i want to, i manage to pull it out (and sometimes it doesn't work out as well, which brings me back down, crashing, to the ground) this will be my biggest disability to overcome.

the outdoors, roaming around especially to places i've never been gives me inspiration. it might not always work out as i want it, as i see it in my head, but i still can "feel" it.

(and thanks for letting me vent in the one place i feel half-ass comfortable...it may not be here the next day, but it is always a help to me to have a place to do it in)

;-)