I Wish



I wish I had been the first or second born

I wish I wasn’t such a slave to my emotions

I wish I hadn’t sacrificed my son for my emotions

I wish that I didn’t make the same mistakes over and over again

I wish that I was a hard assed bitch with no feelings…life would be so much easier

I wish that I was as strong as I often portray

I wish I had cleared the clouds from my brain and thought rationally like I know I can

I wish I hadn’t believed that someone from a totally fucked up family could come out of it “normal”

I wish that I could have recognized that I was an emotional affair

I wish I could have recognized that emotional affairs are a pattern of behavior

I wish that I would have trusted my gut instead of listening to words

I wish that my mis-trusting nature hadn’t finally trusted

I wish I could have been loved the same as I was loved in the beginning

I wish that my heart hadn’t been ripped out and stomped on again…by the same person

I wish that I didn’t cry almost every day

I wish I could clear the clouds from my brain and think rationally like I know I can

I wish that I didn’t still love him