thinking is often a dangerous endeavor for me, it can lead me to some places i probably just shouldn't go.

however, with netta's GB on the way, and reading GC's journal, i can't help but think what a glorious time in a woman's life this is.

wow, my son will be 20 in Oct. Just where did the time go?

despite all the (relationship) problems in the last several years, i think we've done pretty well.

up until the last several years (due to not only relationship issues but his friends all moving away,) his house was the house that all his friends flocked to because his parents listened to the music their parents wouldn't, his dad challenged one and all to Tony Hawk or Grand Turismo. We supported his skateboarding and inline skating (back before you could find skateboards at the mall and could only acquire them through specialty mail order)

We took him to concerts that made his friends jealous and supported his love of music and talent for the not so mainstream stuff.

Most of all we didn't shield him from "the bad stuff" in the world. we always talked politics and about social issues, gave him a world view, and bringing not only a person of a differing culture and religion, but someone from a misunderstood religion into our home opened his eyes to look past the generalized stereotypes.

Yet we still set bounderies. He still had to let us know when he was going to be late, he had to check in with us when he went away to a friend's house, he was always punished for things he did wrong (like in jr. high, when he skipped school...which he never did again)

His father has a strict work ethic as did his aunt and I can only assume that is where he gets his great work ethic. He's always the one who will volunteer to stay late, come in at the drop of a hat and work steady while he's there.

he is a smart ass through and through with a razor sharp wit. he gets this from several places...his grandfather, his dad, and yes, his mom. however, he's shy, so if he doesn't know you, you'll never see this side of him.

oddly enough, he's always been more comfortable with adults, because no one in my family ever talked down to him. this started with my dad who never believed in the "baby talk"

i remember when my niece was about 2 years old, she was babbling and complaining about something...her dolly was broken, i can't remember what...but my dad sat there and listened and then told her, "that's the way it is sometimes" while giving empathy, he talked to her as an adult would talk to another adult.

he did the same thing with z. my dad used to pick z up from daycare and on the way home z would be babbling in his car seat, and dad would nod his head, tell him "wow, that's wonderful" and ask him questions about his day.

i went downstairs the other night and hung out with my neighbor scotty...he was asking me about z, because he'd known several women going through divorce who had "turned their attentions" on their sons and basically turned them into "mama's boys"

yes, this is what my mother-in-law did to her youngest son.

i assured him that z will be fine. while it will hurt me, i really want him to go out and forge a new life without "us"

i think he will be an awesome human being.

but i also told scotty that i have been so enjoying z and i's time together. we laugh, we joke, we go out and experience things together. something that sadly was put on the back burner for a few years (and that i still carry guilt over)

a boy usually has a strong tie to their mom. i think z had some resentment the last few years towards his dad, for more than a few reasons.

so i also think z has been enjoying his time with me.

we are, after all, two peas in a pod. something his father didn't understand because neither of us "think like him."