July 21, 2005
Vulgarino, Mark. Tres vulgarino! But hey, don't blame me. That subject line was something a friend's father used to say. He was in international sales for a huge pharmaceutical company and in his case, it was probably true. He could sell shit in tinfoil if he had to. It's along the lines of "I could sell air conditioning to Eskimos," but more colorful and, er, pungent.

And frankly, I've never been all that great at sales. Even worse (I suppose), I'm not good at selling something I don't believe in.

Now, in yesterday's entry, I dicussed the problems with selling books versus writing them. I've been thinking a lot about this because, well, I've got two books coming out in the future and I want to sell a lot of copies. A whole lot of copies. And I don't believe I'm selling shit in tinfoil and I do believe in the product. But I hate being a salesman. Like many writers, I prefer to hide out in my office making stuff up, not getting out there in the big bad world and convincing people to buy...

What exactly are they buying when I'm doing signings or book talks? I want them to buy the book, but I'm trying to sell myself. You know, middle-aged, balding, overweight (but oh so charming!), hairy guy who spends his productive hours in his basement with imaginary people. I have to bring the energy level way, way up to convince them they're investing in a good time. I can tell them, like I've been told, "If you like Sue Grafton's books, you'll like Mark Terry's Dirty Deeds." I can tell them it's got lots of local color. Does it work? Dunno.

I was just thinking that because I've had some film nibbles on the upcoming books, I can tell people that. Everybody seems so much more interested in that kind of thing. Hey, they must be thinking, maybe I can get in his movie if they make it out of his book. (Yeah, and they say writers are delusional.) I see Joe Konrath's doing signings and handing out coasters. Of course, the titles of his books are Whiskey Sour and Bloody Mary. There's a tie-in. Dirty Deeds deals with identity theft and Internet porn. Should I hand out mouse pads with naked women on them? (That might work, actually. Any takers?)

Synergy, I guess. Try to be colorful and likable and entertaining in hopes somebody will shell out $12.95 for your book, which they can then read and say, "Hey, this ain't shit in tinfoil!"

Best,
Mark Terry