July 27, 2005
I'm going to try something different from time to time, a series of mini-writing seminars on various writing topics, rather than just blurb about my writing life. If people are interested, say so. If not, hey, I'm sure I can find something else to write about.

Lesson 1.

The bullet hit the barn door loudly, sending splinters of wood flying near Dave's head. Turning quickly, Dave dropped to the ground, rolled and came up running fast, Sig 9mm hot and ready in his hand.

All right. Two sentences, nothing particularly bad about them. 35 words. But by choosing our verbs more carefully, can we make it better?

The bullet thwocked the barn door. Wood splintered around Dave's head. Spinning, Dave dove to the ground, rolled and came up sprinting, Sig 9mm hot and ready in his hand.

30 words. Thwocked instead of hit the barn door loudly. Thwocked being a pretty much made-up word that still gives you a sense of sound and movement. Instead of sending splinters of wood flying, the wood splintered. Instead of turning quickly, he spun. Instead of dropping to the ground, he dove. Instead of running fast, he sprinted.

Not only is it shorter, but it's more vivid, gives a sense of movement and excitement. The all-important element in good writing--tension. It can become second nature, but it takes practice. Choose your verbs carefully. Verbs do the most work in your writing, whether fiction or nonfiction. Words such as "fast," "loudly," "quickly" are adverbs, and adverbs are lazy. A good, well-chosen verb is better than modifying a verb with an adverb any day. Check it out yourself. Your writing will improve.

Best,
Mark Terry