Motorized Teens

There is a loophole in most municipal laws that allows young people, who are otherwise too young to drive or own automobiles, to cruise down our neighborhood streets on motorized skateboards, terrorizing pedestrians, causing noise violations, and generally creating chaos in suburban America.

Oh, and its the parents that buy these things for their kids. That's the kicker. The kids have no wherewithal, of course, to even buy themselves a non-motorized skateboard.

I am writing from a recent face off with said device. While visiting my parents this weekend in the suburban belly of Beaverton, Oregon, I had a chance encounter with a posse of motorized teens. I was about to cross the sidewalk when I heard the telltale noise: the echo of a high pitched motor, then some revving up, accelerating, and coming my way with increased velocity.

Their two silouettes appeared, warlike, on the crest of Falcon Drive (all the neighborhood streets are named after birds, but the best streets are named after birds of prey, such as Falcon Drive or Cormorant Street. The streets without views are more diminuative, i.e. Chickadee Court, Whitebird Street, Robin Lane, etc.) Although the noise of the approaching "engines" was getting closer, I decided to continue crossing the street. That only encouraged the two noisy drivers to accelerate even faster. I barely had a foothold on the sidewalk when they whizzed by, slowing down to look over their shoulders and scoff at the distress they were causing.

At least they were wearing helmets. Although that's probably a condition the parents placed on the purchase. These damn spoiled and civically deadened teens!

My stepbrothers, nice kids that they are, are the prototypical entitled teens of suburban America. I am surprised they don't own one of these noise machines. But they've actually managed to get my stepdad to buy them much better stuff. Recently, my little stepbrother, Scott, who is about 18 years old, got his dad to cosign on some Yamaha crotch rocket. The thing is about $7-8K. He also has a car that dad pays insurance, repairs, and gas for.

I find it interesting to hear how parents rationalize letting their kids walk all over them. Parents are kind of out to lunch. They've forgotten how to effectively use threats and punishment. I don't think the kids are any smarter in this day and age. It's that the parents are lazy and unwilling to take responsibility for the manipulative demeanor of their children. That said, the stronghold kids have on their parents nowadays is quite a phenomenon. I think parents are worried about getting shut out. They really should care less, though, because teens have always been self-serving mongers. They eventually grow out of it.