Something that I've discovered about being a writer -- not just writing but the whole essence of writer-hood -- is that there's this little voice that takes every available opportunity to natter in my ear with things like "sub-par," "this sucks," "she doesn't like it," "it's not good enough," and "who the hell are you to think you can be one of the 1,000 others to actually make it in this business?"

I hate this voice.

I've thought about beating it with a blunt object, but that would only serve to give me a headache. Instead, I've learned to take a deep breath and ignore that vicious little liar that is otherwise dubbed "insecurity."

This latest bout of anxiety comes from the inevitable event where I drop off a new script to my agent. I wrote a Crossing Jordan this time. I dropped it off at Jo-Ann's on Monday last. I called to make sure she received it, and she said she'd read it by Friday.

Tick, tock. Tick, tock. She's not going to be happy with the changes. Quiet! I didn't do a good enough job. Shh! She's going to think I can't write and drop me from her roster. Okay, ENOUGH already!

So, Friday comes and goes and no call. Finally, we spoke today. She likes the changes I made, I improved the A story and the B story, and I have Jordan's voice right on. There's just one thing that she's a bit uncertain about.

But she won't tell me what it is.

This turns out to be okay, though. Since Jo-Ann doesn't watch much Crossing Jordan, she wants me to send it to my friend, Lynn, who brought Jo-Ann and I together. Lynn is also Jo-Ann's client, and watches Jordan regularly. I know Lynn well, and value and trust her evaluation so I'm more than happy to zip the script off to her. And Lynn promised to read it tomorrow and get back to Jo-Ann right away. Que buena!

Jo-Ann didn't tell Lynn what was nagging at her either. She wants Lynn to read the script and see if they get the same vibe. If not, then the approval has been stamped and it'll be ready to go out this fall for mid-season staffing replacements. If they both get the same vibe, then I'll fix it.

In the meantime, Jo-Ann is going to send my Buffy to one of her agency's clients at Enterprise. I know, I know, I thought I was done with Enterprise after my September pitching adventure, but Jo-Ann talked me into it. The difference is mostly her. Since she knows the guy at Trek, she also knows specifically what kind of material they're looking for. I can tailor my pitches (should they ask me in) accordingly, run those pitches by Jo-Ann first (and get coaching!), then go into a meeting in a much better position than the first time.

Time to shut up that nasty little voice and work on a new spec script.