Last night I had an odd dream, the trouble is I didn' write it *all* down when I woke up, I just kept thinking about the one part that stuck in my mind.

Northern Lad was in it and when she saw me she laughed like she used to with such a grin and so much trouble in her eyes it was all I could do to keep from taking her into my arms again.

I remembered her in my dream as I could only remember the best parts of her and it made me wake up with no small amount of hurt and frustration. In the dream she started to dance with me, a happy arhythmic little waltz that felt like even if we had never danced like that when we were together well maybe we should have.

She wasn't the main part of the dream, she wasn't the point, but I can no longer remember what was. That annoys me a little bit but also it surprises me quite a bit. Three years ago I was quite sure I was over her. And last night I dreamed of her snuggling up against me and biting my neck like she used to while I feebly tried to explain that I have a boyfriend now and that we shouldn't really do this....

It's probably a salient, if useless, point to make. I miss women. I really do. But I have a boyfriend now, and while I wouldn't say sex with women is entirely out of the picture, the actual point is a relationship with them is. At least I hope so. I love Molasses, and I'm with him.

But there are dimensions to women that come out in so many ways, far beyond the bed.

And in reality, the hard, cold, factual reality, I don't want to want anyone else. I've compared this dilemma to food before. What I have is like a full six course meal with the world's best Porterhouse steak in front of me and a glass of the finest Port in my hand. At this point, missing a girl that hurt me so is like missing a Hershey's candy bar.

ehh enough of this. I can't take my own angst.