Juarez, Tori Amos
closer (woodstock, live), Nine Inch Nails
Parachutes, Coldplay
Snakedriver, The Jesus and Mary Chain
Thinking of You, Perfect Circle
Hoops, Ruby
The Frail (Things Falling Apart), NIN
El Toro Requezon, Tlen-Huicani
Down on Me, Janis Joplin
Ruiner, NIN
'97 Bonnie & CLyde, Tori Amos
Wardrope, Hooverphonic
Pride (In the Name of Love - Rattle & Hum), U2
Too Much of Heaven, Eiffel 65
The Soft Collision, Machines of Loving Grace
Eden, 10,000 Maniacs
Lady is a Tramp, They Might be Giants
Walk Away, Bad Religion
Glory of the 80s, Tori Amos
Idem Soit Done, Ekova

this is just some thoughts and observances that have been going through my head since Saturdayish. They're boring. That's why they're *here* and I haven't bothered to waste anyone's time by talking to them about it.

Friday night played garou. Was definately fun and I should still log a few things with the ST but overall it was fascinating.

Headed to my apartment, beat and concentrating on getting to bed to salvage a few hours before heading off to work again.

Friday morning at 6am sharp I was woken up by a man on a PA system one block over anouncing something in Spanish. Couldn't understand it because of the distortion but he was shouting. When I went by twelve hours later he was still shouting (or someone very similar) and I couldn't even access the street that I live on because of road closures and seriously thick traffic. I had to park far from my apartment and when I returned at one in the morning with Molasses we gave up quickly because it took fifeteen minutes to go maybe 100 yards. We turned around and headed to Long Beach to sleep there.

I would have been worried about getting in and out early on Saturday but my sister somehow managed to screw up getting her final project turned in late and so she didn't get to participate in the graduating class' Spring Fashion Show to which my attendance had been required.

So I was free again and considered my options. Thought about going to a movie, maybe a club, thought about going to a game. Haven't acutally played vamp all month long and neither had Molasses. At the last minute we decided to go and we surprised a few people there. Was a fairly interesting game though Molasses was thoroughly bored. I however have discovered the secret to surviving social games without chewing my own arm off, and that's to hang out at as much around Destruction (not his real name) as possible. Slightly cheesy, always entertaining. The only (rather extremely) disconcerting thing I took away from the game was something that was said to me in character that I had a *very* hard time separating from the thought that it might be a personal jab. I don't think it was, but it hurt just the same. That aggrivates me. I know when people are "on stage" and I know how to deal with people being characters vs being themselves. And this was a very good friend of mine. I *definately* know better than that. It's just frustrating to find myself unable to build the thick skin that I chastize other people for not having. It's also a bitter pill to find I can't really trust anyone in my persona. If I wanted to pretend that I don't have any friends I'd just stay home. arg. damned angst

Headed from the game back to Molasses' again. We were both dead tired and had a hard time staying awake. He scared me a couple of times.

Sunday got up a bit wobbly. We were both rather tired but had to make our way to church to meet my parents. Shouldn't have worried too much. My dad showed up about ten minutes after us (still before mass was to start). The rest of the family (minus my sister) showed up right after the processional. I was a little disappointed. I've been mulling over the West Wing episode when Mr and Mrs Bartlett walk in after mass and Jed (that's "Mr President" to you) was going *off* on how boring the homily was. I kinda felt the same though I must admit I spaced out during part of it because it was rather boring and was spoken in only two tones without any particular attempts to make the sermon instill any sort of passion in the congregation about truly bringing hope and love to the world. *sigh* But it was short, at the very least.

After mass Molasses and I went to get Mexican sweet bread. I wanted donuts but several parties decided that was too fattening (*ahem* sweet bread isn't really a healthy alternative). Of course this was after noon so most of the best stuff was gone but there were a few tasty items left and I helped Molasses practise some Spanish on our way back. Then we hung out at my parent's house why my mom went to pick up her cousin Carmen. Had "breakfast" and polished it off with sweet bread and Mexican hot chocolate. yummy. When Carmen came in I was hoping she and Molasses would get a chance to talk but of course she was kind of shy and he was nervous of his skills. Carmen doesn't speak any English and Molasses had wanted a chance like that to sharpen his skills. But soon enough my mom was handling the entirety of the conversation and going way too fast for the boy to keep up.

My brothers snatched Molasses at one point (they always do) and talked at him for a while about the latest computer games they had been playing. He's a good sport and told them what he knew while I hung out in their room and took a good look around. Boy, I never noticed how old those kids are. My baby brother is eight year's younger than I am which puts him somewhere in high school. The older two are done with school. I've understood their ages, of course, but usually I interact with them (these days) as folks I visit and I somehow fell into the trap of thinking that they'll behave like boys forever, if they're allowed. That's true to some extent but looking around they certainly have a stronger sense of self than I'm used to ascribing to mere children. whoa. Their space, though cramped (three young adults in one bedroom), is their very own, and though it has too much stuff in it piled here and there, there are corners that are surprisingly tidy and dusted. The carpet went away a long time ago. The walls have a few posters that my oldest brother put up, fast cars, faster airplanes, a Jimi Hendrix calendar for 2001.

But their pride and joy is the computer and that's what I thought took up their time, that and watching TV while they were waiting for their turn to play.... Then I noticed a book on Fidel Castro on my middle brother's bed. This rather surprised me. He's not in school anymore, he works at Knott's now. Why would be reading that? Then I looked over at my youngest brother's bed and saw a hard-bound book called something like The Chrysanthemum and the Sword I think I screwed that up, but it looked really complicated. I thumbed through it for a second before my brother tugged it out of my hands. I asked him about it and he just shrugged and said he liked it. I wonder what it was about it but more to the point I was stunned. That book was not kid's stuff and the realization that my kid brothers aren't kids anymore made my mouth go dry. When I started to say something about about they just exclaimed about how no one expected them to read just because they felt like it. Dad was one who was also stunned. I told them that's cause no one really did expect them to read on their own. Trying to salvage a graceful exit I gave Mario a noogie before taking my leave.

In the kitchen my sister was stomping through having a disturbingly quiet conversation on the phone. My sister is *not* a quiet girl, so it had to be serious. At one point she went into her room and slammed the door shut so hard pictures rattled outside. Mom explained that Ana had asked if her boyfriend could come over and come to dinner with us pointing out that mom had her cousin over and I had my boyfriend. Mom had refused as much because she didn't like Robert as because Robert owed them money from the time he kicked and dented Ana's car door. Turns out my sister is about that age that most girls are when they get into a somewhat emotionally-abusive relationship. It was Robert (according to my mom) who demanded so much of her time over the month that her project was late. It was Robert who demanded so much attention that he would pick fights at parties with Ana because she was wishing her best friend a happy birthday. *sigh* Ana's intensely independent, and has the stubborn streak that we all learned from my mom in vitro, but x100. That's how I know she'll never ask for help. She'll demand a few things here and there from mom and dad - rides or a car or money for school - but never for advice. She has never *ever* asked me for advice. Our relationship has been based pretty much on tolerating each other's presence in the same house. But we don't really talk about our lives. It started when we very little and every little poke or look would cause her to scream for mom and when she followed me around and tried to do everything I did, of course, it irritated me. We're sisters see. That's what we do.

But I hope she's not afraid to tell me things about Robert. Cause if he ever hurt her I'd go strait to manual castration.

Anyway, that evening we went out to The Stinking Rose. Molasses and I took off early because we had made a reservation and weren't sure what traffic would be like but we wanted to keep it. The bar-area there is *extremely* cool, especially the "Red Room." We lounged around and warmed up by pouring heated White Russians in our bellies. My family managed to show up an hour after the time of the reservation. I guess it was my bad, I should have made sure that my mom had Molasses' cell number and/or the number for the Rose. *sigh* We ended up losing the reservation but the hostess felt guilty and found us two tables back to back for us.

I'd never been there before and the decor was really fun. I got the rabbit as much because it ticked off my sister (her rabbit had recently been killed by the neighbor's dogs because she refused to hear our requests that she repair the wall between our houses, insisting she'd do what she liked with her wall, and refused to believe that her dogs could get through it or that it was falling toward *our* house making it so that *our gates could not close....) as because it's a rare thing for me to eat. But I always forget how many bones there are in those things and therefore how hard it is to eat.

But I still stumbled out of there feeling extremely full. (By the way, I learned from my aunt who had been staying with family in LA before coming to visit with us that she had been to the block party behind my apartment building. It was a radio promotion to raise money for children with cancer. Small world. Makes me glad I *didn't* go out and get the shoulder RPG "peace-restorer.")

After that Molasses and I headed back to his place, stopping by my apartment (the people were gone!! yay!) so I could get a few thigns and my car. After that we stayed in and watched "Ghost World." For some reason that movie both touched me and distrubed me, eventhough, on some level I'm aware it was really pretty much fluff. Although Thora Birch is fucking hot. Molasses wrote the main character, Enid, off as being pretty much bad and useless. I just figure she's mostly immature. All the mistakes she made I've made before (just not on the grand scale that makes for a decent movie). And Steve Buscemi was his usual understated-holy-christ-i-think-i-know-that-guy subtle genious best. But I think what I found impressive was though things were kept extremely honest and straightforward, it never descended into angsty "damn, I fucked everything up, guess I should kill myself" after which the suicide either works or doesn't and the disperate parts come together in communion over that person. yay.

Tonight I'm not sure what I'll do. Thought about going to see Molasses at his martial arts class. But I have to pay my rent. Maybe I'll swing by my place to do that first... hmm. don't know. Really have to do my taxes. arg. I owe a lot. Postponing the pain.... Not gonna see Squire till next week. He has a meeting tonight and Wednesday he flies out to Oregon to visit family for the weekend.

*sigh* out of time so I guess I'll save arguing with Molasses for later.