Listening:
Dead Can Dance, Boxed Set


Had a really exhausting weekend which gave me ideas for the future and strengthened my resolve on many counts, but also...well...exhausted me, so I'm having trouble getting into the swing of things today.

Um... Friday evening left work for Molasses' and headed to a Mage game in Cerritos. Felt some trepidation over what might be coming because of a snafu between two folks I know. My own fault for getting involved and not just saying my piece and then exiting the scene. Silly Nobody, always thinking you can fix things when one no one really wants you to. Game was interesting, but sadly I was running on empty when things started getting interesting, also I had to get to bed at something approaching a decent hour.

(Note to self: don't just think about it at games and actually get the equipment that will make Sheila cool!)

Saturday I had to come into work for an eight hour training session. Don't have nearly enough curses or expletives to explain how I feel about having been robbed of my free day and the extra sleep. The training was more or less a complete waste of time. Everything I actually learned could have been boiled down into two hours, maybe another hour and a half for hands-on stuff. What actually pissed me off though, is that the trainers didn't even know that they were going to teach the class until two days prior, and in fact what they were teaching us had to be incomplete because the applications are due for two major overhauls and there will be at least one key systems change in how this process will be done before the end of summer. But someone up on the VP level insisted that we all get trained and *NOW* even if it meant training on system that is not yet complete/mostly obsolete.

I WANT MY DAY BACK, MOTHERFUCKERS.

(Note to self: get the hell out of this insane asylum before someone comes back and shoots up the place. Sitting at a ninety degree-angle to the door just means I'll be one of the ones to die first.)

Saturday night got in my date with Molasses. Went to Acapulco (yummy!), saw a spider (AAAEEEEIII!!) and saw The Bourne Identity (sweet!!). Also went by Barnes & Noble and nearly bought Indian Killer by Sherman Alexie, but nixxed the idea cause I just don't know when I'll have time to read it. That depresses me. I used to swear I'd never allow my life to get so out of control or busy that I'd never have time to read. I do have a little bit of time, but it really isn't enough. I miss having hours upon hours, and then not actually falling asleep when I picked up a book. *sighs*

(Note to self: Make the fucking time.)

Saturday night/sunday morning I stayed up to whip out some NPCs for the Mage game on Sunday. Shoulda only taken an hour-hour and a half but I really wanted the potential rotes on the sheets, which meant pulling them off the document I had transcribed for just that two weeks ago. Unfortunately the computer did not have the most up to date version so I had to write a lot of it out on the spot. Also, I had to do a lot of math and ended up with NPC that were less powerful than I was hoping for, but I think they proved just powerful enough for everyone not playing an NPC. Course, I was hoping for at least one PC death so as to make it clear that the games are, in fact, not fun little romps to go meet with the enemy, smack him around and then waltz back out. But the best plans of mice and nobodies....

(Note to self: Make sure every computer I use has the completed documents. Have NPCs already built, look up MET stuff on spirits.)

I went away thinking of ways to exploit the influx of new players and their paradigms and realized that in a lot of avenues my own learning is pathetically lacking. I only know the rudimentary facts of Buddhism, I've learned something of Hinduism purely from light studying of Indian history and their caste system and paying attention to references of their gods, but I could only name about four of them and couldn't really tell you how they're related to/associated with each other. I wouldn't even know where to start looking for fact-based books on the Kabbalah and the practices of the Order of the Golden Dawn.

Also, I've been thinking I really don't have enough to go on at much length about Sheila. Faking it only goes so far, and when I'm left standing there thinking "what's Black Ice?" I start wishing I could read by osmosis.

Which leads me back to wishing I had the time to read. Got Sherman Alexie and William gibson on the docket, but I've also been looking for resources on spies throughout the ages. Information on the matter is hard to come by. Most searches turn up stuff on the CIA, but I want *old school* information. Spies for the Church, for Elizabeth I, maybe even Mossad.

I dimly remember movies about spies and resistance fighters during the second world wars and learned to love a good movie with tense, precarious situations. I remember in one there was this scene where the hero has an apartment where he built a make-shift Morse Code machine and would send military movement and whatnot to allies somewhere else. But he screwed up the wiring and everytime he tapped something out on the machine the light in front of his apartment would blink out the rhythm of his taps. The first time you noticed that you knew it was bad but hoped that he'd fix it. The last time you saw it it was with SS soldiers quietly moving up the stairs toward his apartment.

So anyway...Before I get to that I still have ton of books at home that I keep meaning to get to. A couple of books that promise to tell me the "true" history of Wicca.... A couple books on directing, books based on solo stage pieces, Octavio Paz essays, legends from pre-conquist Mexico and more than a handful of fiction books, biographies and essays on Latinos in the US. And of course there is always gaming books, comics and old magazines.

On other fronts I'm still low on money and don't know how to get back on top with the immediate debt I have. I have a couple of ideas, but without doing the math I don't know how they'll work. At least Molasses is fine with waiting until whenever.

(Note to self: send off mail to health insurances people "To whom it may concern, this is not my problem. No really. Leave me alone." and figure out who is actually my home ISP. Try to do at least one before vacation.

I can't tell if I'm losing weight or not...my clothes don't seem to fit me any differently, but I don't really have a reliable scale. My stamina may be going up though. So at least there's that. Originally I had promised myself that during the week I'd eat well and eat whatever junk came along over the weekend. I slipped off of that for a little so I need to get back to it. At the very least, it seems to me that I feel better when I eat a salad rather than a burger.

Finally, I haven't really advanced at all in my quest to put something on a stage by September. I tell myself it's because I don't have a piece but that's hooey. I just haven't taken the time to look at much of anything. Maybe I should bug Space Dog again. I liked two of his shorter pieces quite a bit but understood when he said his three-act needed to be rewritten. I just don't know if he has, or if it'll be soemthing I want to work with. The shorter pieces don't quite have enough to hold up a show by themselves, and they are _very_ different from each other. Anyone else have a play they've written? Please.... I need some ideas...

But later today I'll write to Richard about visiting the theatre and I'll ask him where I can find works in the public domain. (Shouldn't there be a database somewhere?)

Hopefully by the end of summer I'll easily have the liquid cash to do what I need to produce a couple shows, but in the meantime I guess I should be pricing services and rentals.

On a completely unrelated note I'm tired. Currently not mentally tired though my body is a little bit done in by my lunch workout. But I've been exhausted by weekend, as I've mentioned, and I haven't been sleeping well. I don't know why. I seem to toss and turn a bit these nights and occasionally wake right up for no reason and have trouble getting back to sleep. Even Saturday I got a chance to take a nap and was _dead_ tired but couldn't stay asleep for more than twenty minutes. Last night I know part of the trouble with getting to sleep was in getting comfortable. Stress is not conducive to sleep and I was reminded of that as I had to conciously think to unclench my hands so the circulation would get back to normal. The aches in my elbows and wrists kept me up a while. But then again last week was six days long and then a mage game that I partially ran, and now I'm back to work. God, I need a vacation.

Fortunately I have one coming. On the 29th Molasses and I fly out to DC. We'll stay with his parents and be happy little tourists in the nation's capital. I'm trying to aim to see people back there including Faith and Sergei and Rabbit and her kid. Of course, everyone I've talked to thinks that's a good idea but *no one* knows how it'll work out, when and who'll be driving. arg... I'm not sure what I'll be doing on the Fourth. I wanted to be in DC, but since the original reason for going is that Molasses was invited to be the best man at a friend's wedding on the Fifth, the Fourth is marked as their rehersal and rehersal dinner. I'm not sure what part of that I'm invited to but that means we'll be in Virginia until 7ish and then load on a bus (which I have a reserved seat on) and head into DC to watch fireworks. I dunno... I shouldn't stress so much about a vacation. It'll probably be muggy and hot anyway, and why would I want to wander around a crowded place like the Mall on Washington on the Fourth of July?

so anyway...final Note to self: Put a shopping list together for DC. Write to those deadbeats in PA. And Get Back to Work!!